Home > Uncategorized > Crank File: Presidents Day & My Broken Ass

Crank File: Presidents Day & My Broken Ass

I think it’s some bull that we’ve had 44 Presidents and yet only get ONE SINGLE DAY off for Presidents Day. If the Founding Fathers could see how we desecrate the position with a measly three-day weekend, they’d pee on us…accidentally, of course, because they’d go to the bathroom outside. Because that was like hundreds of years ago, and putting them in our shoes is about as intellectually dishonest as you can get.

Adding to my crank file this morning: as I was walking to work I slipped in front of a house whose residents haven’t seemed to pick up a shovel in weeks, nor do they know what “rock salt” is or where to purchase it. Unfortunately I didn’t hurt myself enough to sue, only to bruise my left arsecheek something fierce. So every time I shift in my chair, I feel a sharp pain.

I regret their laziness, and having to come in to work today.

Did I mention that I’m going on about only three hours of sleep? Well, I’m going on about only three hours of sleep. If that.

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