Home > Uncategorized > Oh, Facebook.

Oh, Facebook.

One of the great things about Facebook is stumbling upon all those images and glimpses of your past. The worst thing about Facebook? Stumbling upon all those images and glimpses of your past.

I mean, man, look at this.

I'm the imposing figure, third from the left, with arms folded and my fat head blocking out some poor soul. An apt metaphor of my life at that point.

It was 2003. I was involved in both the Siena College Student Senate and the Student Events Board. This particular photo was of the fully gathered Student Events Board at our student leader retreat.

I remember it fondly. It was a great time with great people that all deserved a lot more than I was willing to give them. We all got along fantastically at that point, and still did for some time after.

But with all the good memories came the bad. All the regrets. The truth is, that very moment – the picture shown above – would be one of my last happy memories. I won’t say that the downward spiral began at that point. In all honesty, it had started well before that. But certain things started to surface that came to a head with three and a half more years of trauma, drama, and chaos. All by my own design. If only I’d been the only one hurt and affected by my actions and, at times, lack thereof. Nostalgia is such a delicate construct, isn’t it?

C’est la vie. After some time and reflection, I’m glad I saw it. It’s good to remind myself that, no, it wasn’t all bad. In fact, most of it was really good, even if after that point the bad started outweighing and outpacing the good. I just have to keep doing what I can to right the wrongs, just as I have for the last three plus years.

I have some amends to make.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Ellie
    March 9, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    I think it’s really important to look back and remember that even though some of our shittiest times, there have been moments in which we’ve been happy. I look back at last year as horrible – my mom was very sick through most of it, my grandmother lingered on and died and we had to deal with a good deal of grieving in some very dysfunctional manners. Yet this weekend my sister and were recounting a pretty hilarious moment of 2009 and we just started laughing. Yeah, things were tough, but there was happiness there too. Remembering the good is just as important as remembering the bad.

    I’ve got some more to say on a personal note considering my own revelations about happiness, but this is your blog and it really is about you. You’re doing a good job righting those wrongs in my opinion and I’m lucky to count you as one of my best friends.

    Keep it up kiddo. 🙂

  2. March 10, 2010 at 1:18 am

    I’ve found in life that we can beat ourselves up over all our wrongs, becoming our own victim, judge and jury, or we can recognize that we’re imperfect beings and accept the fact that we’ve both done stupid things and will do stupid things in the future.

    Don’t linger too often on the mistakes of your past. Most of the time, when we act in an ugly manner, it has more to do with us than others, so forgive yourself your actions and try to address whatever it is that’s really bothering you, then move on. Of course we should try to learn from our mistakes and become better people — if only because doing so makes us happier people — but no one ever improves themselves by focusing on guilt.

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