Home > Uncategorized > Kevin Marshall Presents: The 82nd Annual Academy Awards (aka “The Oscars”) in 93 Tweets

Kevin Marshall Presents: The 82nd Annual Academy Awards (aka “The Oscars”) in 93 Tweets

Hey, didja watch the Oscars? Well, want to feel like you did? Then check out my archive of Tweets for my 2nd ANNUAL LIVE-TWEETING OF THE 82nd ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS.

01. Oh hey, those Oscars are on.about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

02. Is Jeff Bridges playing Don Quixote in a production of Man of La Mancha? #Oscars #thatbeardabout 5 hours ago via Seesmic

03. Guys, I’m happy for her, but I am not hanging on the “Precious” girl’s every thought. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

04. Taylor Lautner has the personality of a wet brick. I’ve never seen them cut an interview short so quickly on someone that popular. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

05. Kathy Ireland looked like she was hosting the Oscars red carpet with someone pressing a handgun to her back. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

06. Oh boy, a minute into the broadcast and we’ve already had a ‘drop the soap in prison’ level joke. The joke? It was literally that. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

07. @jenh718 Oh, I admit, his abs are admirable (absmirable?). I’d kill to have that six-pack.about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

08. If NPH gets a gig because he sang on the internet, can I get a gig writing jokes for the #Oscars ? Cuz I can do better than this bulls***.about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

09. Oh, Meryl Streep. Faking riotous laughter doesn’t make you look like a good sport. It makes you look like an unconvincing laugher. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

10. Steve & Alec got a plug in for “It’s Complicated.” That’s sure to shoot the DVD sales up at least 100 units! #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

11. The writing is actually a lot better than I expected. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

12. FUN FACT: Monique doesn’t shave her legs and is proud of it.#Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

13. From awful, to hacky, to good, to great, to mediocre, to s***. This is a roller coaster ride of wildly uneven joke writing.#Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

14. “Who doesn’t love Sandra Bullock?” *raises hand* #Oscars #SorryILikeGoodThingsabout 5 hours ago via Seesmic

15. Zac Efron has a totally douched out fauxhawk now? Looks like I have a new arch-nemesis. It was fun while it lasted, Jimmy Buffett. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

16. DISCLAIMER: I’ve seen very few of the nominated films this year. I keep hearing that “The Last Station” is fantastic, though. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

17. Christoph Waltz wins Best Supporting Actor for “Inglorious Basterds,” which I also didn’t see. *braces for “WHAAAAAA” reaction* #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

18. Anybody else think Christoph Waltz looks like Daniel Day Lewis in a clever disguise? #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

19. This is the closest Ryan Reynolds will ever get to an Oscar (four to five hundred feet). #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

20. Real story of “The Blind Side”: more than one family helped him, and they weren’t all white. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

21. I’m about 85% sure that the guy with the long hair & beard sitting behind Tarantino is the reanimated corpse Johannes Brahms. #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

22. Why does Cameron Diaz always look like the hooker an oil tycoon brought as his date to a charity ball? #Oscars about 5 hours ago via Seesmic

23. I saw “Fantastic Mr. Fox” with @shakenbysound. I liked it! In fact, I’d go so far to say it was, pardon the pun…Foxy!#Oscars #gotchaabout 5 hours ago via Seesmic

24. “Up” wins Best Animated film! Well deserved. First movie in a long, long, long time that made me legit tear up. #Oscars #Imapussyabout 5 hours ago via Seesmic

25. Those two girls were sooooo nervous! Don’t worry, girls, you’ll never have to do it again, because you won’t be famous next year. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

26. Congratulations to Randy Newman for being nominated a record ten times for the same goddamn song. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

27. 1st Ryan Reynolds, then Chris Pine. I bet the ppl choosing who introduced Best Pic nominees just laughed through the whole process. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

28. My ex-wife once told me I had to choose between her and rainbows. Our divorce was a lengthy, ugly, confusing & beautiful process. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

29. Rob Downey’s wearing tinted glasses. This has me very, very worried. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

30. I’m pulling for “A Serious Man.” That film had incredible writing. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

31. Oh, John Hughes. Was going to make a sarcastic comment about Molly Ringwald sneaking in there, but nevermind.#Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

32. I know I will catch so much s*** for this, but does John Hughes really deserve an Oscar montage? #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

33. I liked his films as much as the next guy. But I don’t consider him one of the masters. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

34. Okay, that was classy and worth it. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

35. “They’re playing the ‘Bitch Be Crazy’ music.” – @StephenHenel#Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

36. HA HA HA BEN STILLER IS DRESSED AS AN ALIEN FROM “AVATAR” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I miss 1990s Ben Stiller. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

37. James Cameron only makes one film like every eight years., Hollywood You don’t ALL need to suck his d*** on the air.#Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

38. Trust me: anyone who can paint an entire chick green without her dying deserves an award. But I’ve already said too much.#Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

39. I loved “A Serious Man,” like I’ve said. Screenwriter @toddalcott has written an amazing examination of the film on his blog. #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

40. http://toddalcott.livejournal.com RT @hansen9j@KevinMarshall You should give me a link, because I need to know if I actually liked it. 🙂about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

41. Disappointed Michael Bay’s pile of stained napkins didn’t get “Best Adapted Screenplay” for “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

42. “District 9” got nominated for “Best Adapted” for…being based on its own pilot? #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

43. I had no idea Lauren Bacall was still alive. Looking spry for her age! #Oscars about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

44. Hey, can we have Robin Williams do something for “The Blind Side” so he can use his outdated racist black man voice?#Oscars #Hackabout 4 hours ago via Seesmic

45. Attention comedians at The #Oscars – make sure you tell all your jokes on-camera, or Robin Williams will steal them.about 4 hours ago via Seesmic

46. …a salute to horror films? Why? No, I like horror films too but WHY?! #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

47. The art direction in “Avatar” was outstanding. Sigourney Weaver’s performance? Not so much. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

48. This ceremony is making me dislike James Cameron even more. #Oscars #KissAssesabout 3 hours ago via Seesmic

49. No joke, I love Charlize Theron. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

50. It just seems weird to give an “adapted” nom to someone for making a longer version of their own short film. (re: “District 9”; @millej)about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

51. Hey, it’s America’s Sweetheart That America Keeps Forgetting the Name Of, Elizabeth…Banks I think? #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

52. “Only the glorious Quentin Tarantino could get away with re-writing history.” – John Travolta. [Insert Scientology Joke]#Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

53. I’ve read 8 comparisons to the guy from Die Hard & 4 to the twins from The Matrix. Proud to be the only one making the morlock ref. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

54. Of all the things to not show clips for: cinematography? Really? But we have time for a horror movie montage to jerk off fanboys? #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

55. I hate that you beat me to that joke by seconds. RT @SaraJBenincasa I’m still waiting for Sandy B to get her due for The Net.about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

56. Alright guys, it’s The Montage. I just love this classy Hollywood tradition of clapping more for the bigger dead stars. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

57. “Tulio Pinelli? Writer? No clap. David Carradine, he was in Kung Fu! CLAPCLAPCLAPCLAP” – Hollywood A**holes in Audience #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

58. NOTHING for Horton Foote? Seriously, f*** you Hollywood d-bags. You self-involved overgrown petulant children. #Oscars #SlightOverreactionabout 3 hours ago via Seesmic

59. That’s a good one, too! RT @StanfordSteph @KevinMarshall I saw one to Bettany’s albino dude from Da Vinci Code. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

60. Also, I’ve always hated the musical stylings (or lack thereof) of James Taylor. It’s like they did that segment just to p*** me off. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

61. And now here’s a dancing sequence you don’t care about, because we have to make sure the affiliates are properly POed come 11:50pm. #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

62. HAHAHAHAHA! TUBBY McNECKBEARD! RT @BrianDermodyStreet dancers? Then the Canadian slam poet with the neck beard, right? #Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

63. Oh boy, some idiot’s doing the robot to film scores. Why do the ratings go down every year? Such a great mystery!#Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

64. MORE ROBOT DANCING. Are we being Punk’d, America?#Oscars about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

65. I really hate that you’re probably right. RT @danharmon That guy, just to explain, was “popping and locking” in honor of “hurt locker.”about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

66. Forget Farrah Fawcett, I just noticed a more startling #Oscars omission – there hasn’t been a shot of a completely bombed Jack Nicholson.about 3 hours ago via Seesmic

67. Nicholson must not be there; someone always points him out when their jokes are bombing. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

68. Also: Alec, your daughter called. You know, “The pig.” RT @lisaborders Alec Baldwin, Vaudeville called – they want their jokes back. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

69. I take it back, Ryan Reynolds was not the most undeserving appearance tonight. Please welcome Tyler Perry! #Oscars #IfIWasHostabout 2 hours ago via Seesmic

70. RT @GregDiener: TYLER PERRY PRESENTS TYLER PERRY’S ACADEMY AWARDS ON TYLER PERRYBCabout 2 hours ago via Seesmic

71. Keanu Reeves sounded like a third-grader reading aloud in class. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

72. It’s okay, foreign guy. You’re speaking better English than 73% of the attendees in the audience. And they’re native speakers. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

73. Kathy Bates is like my favorite actress ever. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

74. The dialogue in “V” is every bit as bad as the dialogue written for “The Academy Awards.” #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

75. “BLAH BLAH BLAH INSIDE JOKE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, nominee.” *applause* – Best Actor Presentation#Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

76. How embarrassed must Colin Farrell be to have to talk about f***ing “SWAT”? #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

77. YAY JEFF BRIDGES! You’re so likable I forgive the Don Quixote facial hair. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

78. Jeff Bridges is the antithesis of everything you come to expect from someone of Hollywood breeding (son of Lloyd Bridges).#Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

79. Hey, it’s 6 minutes after ABC told affiliates the #Oscars telecast would be over. How’d that happen? #horror#popandlock #drawnoutbestactorabout 2 hours ago via Seesmic

80. “Hope Floats!” And so does s***, which is what that movie was. Sorry, Forest. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

81. Quick, somebody tweet about what a hot old lady Helen Mirren is! #Oscars #OldJoke #DontDoItabout 2 hours ago via Seesmic

82. I love the s***-eating grin that Saarsgard gets every time he makes a moment awkward. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

83. “Gabourey, reach under your seat.” *Gabourey pulls out an Oscar* “…such is the power of OPRAH.” #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

84. Nope. @lisaborders Am I the only person who thinks Meryl Streep is overrated? #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

85. Hey, is Sean Penn on Twitter? Because I’d love to make a light-hearted joke that he takes great offense to. #Oscars #dbagabout 2 hours ago via Seesmic

86. Guys, let’s face it. They’re really giving this to Sandra Bullock because she didn’t win for “The Net.” #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

87. I’m so happy Kathryn Bigelow won, because f*** you James Cameron. #Oscars #hateradeabout 2 hours ago via Seesmic

88. It’s shocking that it took this long for a woman to win Best Director. In “liberal” Hollywood, no less. #Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

89. HAAAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAAA! *dances on James Cameron’s tears* HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA I see you…CRYING! HAAAAAA#Oscars about 2 hours ago via Seesmic

90. Thanks, folks, for joining me in my uber-excessive Oscar tweetage. You’ve been wonderful followers and this telecast has been terrible.about 1 hour ago via Seesmic

91. Hey fanboys – new “Iron Man 2” trailer debuting tonight on Jimmy Kimmel. That is, if you’ll still be up at 6 in the morning.#overrunabout 1 hour ago via Seesmic

92. Yep. RT @millej @KevinMarshall Did I really see James Cameron shaking his head when Kathryn Bigelow won? about 1 hour ago via Seesmic

93. I’m going to go out of my way to see the nominees I didn’t see, but “A Serious Man” will be hard to top in my eyes. Yep, I’m pretentious. about 1 hour ago via Seesmic

And that doesn’t include the Retweets, comments, etcetera! See what y’all are missing? Well, if you haven’t already, make sure you follow @KevinMarshall for this and other ridiculous bulls***!

Also, don’t forget that all MMA-related blogs/writings/etcetera have moved to MIXED MARSHALL ARTS. Update your readers & bookmarks!

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Rob
    March 8, 2010 at 5:17 am

    Hey, John Hughes: what have you done for me lately?

  2. tsetzer
    March 9, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I didn’t really watch the Oscars…if you can count 3.75 hours in DVR time of >30 minutes but I read this entire post. What the hell is wrong with *me*?

    You are probably too young to have experienced the genius of John Hughes. It seems dated now but for children of the 80’s is was serious stuff.

    I also have to take umbrage re: the Blindside backlash because of America’s Sweetheart. I read the book in hardback when it came out and only learned in the last year the connection with the author and the family. The story is true and written with amazing insider clarity given that it predates the frenzy of the realtime internet access. Michael Lewis is top notch.

    Is Farrah considered a tv actor or film? Perhaps the classification ‘splains the omission but it *is* Farrah.

    Great laughs and great job with the recap.

    • March 9, 2010 at 3:21 pm

      Thanks! You’re not the first person to note that (“I can’t believe I read this whole thing”). Good to know that I’m an effective time-waster. 🙂

      I think the reaction to Fawcett being left out is a bit much, as was the one to her death. It was sad, to say the least, but people who hadn’t even spoken her name in thirty years were crying foul that more attention wasn’t given in lieu of Michael Jackson’s passing. So yes, a bit ridiculous, but the classless display put on by the audience (the complete silence for certain people followed by wild applause for others) exacerbated the offense of Farrah’s omission.

      I’d say Fawcett was a TV personality first and foremost, foregoing most opportunities in film and only appearing to the best of my knowledge in a handful (the only ones I can think of off the top of my head are a made-for-TV movie and her appearance in “The Apostle”). But Carradine was in there as well. There’s definitely an incosistency to it (at the Academy Awards?! GASP).

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