Home > Uncategorized > That Time I Almost Got Murdered Tonight

That Time I Almost Got Murdered Tonight

The following is a true story, compiled from Tweets and the first-person account of one Kevin M. Marshall, who last night was almost murdered straight-up by a stalker.


Leave house; guy was in my driveway. Thought he was just passing through. Get back from the laundomat, he’s hiding in my bushes. about 1 hour ago from Seesmic


So I go “what the fuck,” he sees that I see him, leaps up and takes off two houses down, comically hides behind their thin bushes. about 1 hour ago from Seesmic


He might be still there. I called the cops.#WorldsWorstNinjaAssassinabout 1 hour ago from Seesmic


We’ll see. Heading back out now to put my clothes in the dryer. RT@ remarceissac @KevinMarshallI’m glad it wasn’t a bad situation though. about 1 hour ago from Seesmic


Looked around the neighborhood, couldn’t find him. Cops never showed. 39 minutes ago from Seesmic


And you people think @AllOverAlbany is obsessed with me? I had a dude straight-up STALKING me tonight! #fb 38 minutes ago from Seesmic]


@jedimama I actually wanted him to still be there, so I could at least say he won’t be back again. 34 minutes ago from Seesmic


Alright, have to head back out one more time to get my clothes out of the dryer. Third time’s a charm…for MURDER (dun dun dunnnnnn) #fb 28 minutes ago from Seesmic


(PS If I’m going out with a violent death, I want the story to be that I was totally asking for it on Twitter and Facebook) 28 minutes ago from Seesmic


You’d think a former self-proclaimed Lt. Governor of New York State could get some security up in this piece. 4 minutes ago from Seesmic

And that was that. I never heard back from the cops at all. The guy peaced out. Whether he’ll be back? Lord only knows. Maybe he’ll be back tonight, or maybe he’ll be back tomorrow. Hell, maybe he’ll be back in twenty years. I don’t discount the possibility that he was Death itself in a human body, summoned forth to teach me a valuable lesson. He could be anywhere. He could be hanging out in my driveway, or hiding in front of my porch. Also, as elusive as he’d like you to think he is, he’s always in plain sight.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. January 11, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    What am I? Chopped Liver? And seriously, it wasn’t me. Glad you’re OK.

    • January 11, 2010 at 11:41 pm

      Oh yeah. For those who don’t follow on Twitter, TCRPMG totally outed himself as a potential suspect (and ninja paparazzi).

  2. January 12, 2010 at 12:09 am

    This one time I was at a dunkin donuts in troy. An older guy started talking with me and then started going off on how disrespectful the staff were at this particular DD and how he had a gun and he’d show them ‘good’ soon.

    He definitely seemed seemed like he could have been both unstable and packing, so I called the cops, so promptly called me back to say he was gone. As I was thinking up a physical description I could give them, they went on to say that “It was probably just one of Troy’s crazies. We don’t know where he could be right now, but he probably won’t do anything. He’s just crazy.”

    Oddly enough, while I found it a bit disturbing, I really appreciated Troy PD’s honesty. And I haven’t run into him since.

    • January 12, 2010 at 12:25 am

      To be fair, the service at all the Dunkin Donuts shops in Troy is total shit.

  3. January 12, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    On one hand I’m kind of surprised the cops didn’t even call back. On the other, I’m not…

    Regardless, I’m glad you’re ok. Maybe you should call the cops back and let them know you’re ok too.

  4. January 12, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    Let it be known: when we indulged our obsession with you we have enough self-respect to hide behind the thick bushes.

    • January 12, 2010 at 5:39 pm

      Can I let you guys in on a little secret?

      I totally know you’re there, and yes, I AM putting on a show.

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