Home > Uncategorized > Tony Stewart, Ben Folds, and a Personal Metamorphosis

Tony Stewart, Ben Folds, and a Personal Metamorphosis

Skanking, Snarking...Kevin Marshall Does it All

Skanking, Snarking...Kevin Marshall Does it All

IT’S ALL IN THE BREAKS

Two commercials during tonight’s episode of “The Ultimate Fighter” piqued my curiosity.

The first was a Burger King commercial. It’s the latest in the trend of ads that are actually advertisements for more elaborate advertisements, thus creating unnecessary steps and effort on the part of the consumer to get interested in a product. People get paid to think this s#!+ up. Anyway, the gimmick is that sometime in the next few weeks, Burger King is going to put a video (live?) up on their website of Tony Stewart taking a lie detector test to prove that he loves the Whopper. And I say listen, Burger King, I can see Tony Stewart. We don’t need a polygraph. He loves that damn whopper.

The other commercial was one for Rhapsody that featured coach Rashad Evans and contestant “Big Country” Roy Nelson talking about their love of music and how it effects them emotionally. Conspicuous by his absence in this spot is opposing coach Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. Which got me to thinking about what kind of music he listens to. Then I realized that, most likely, he probably just listens to recordings of his own insane ramblings.

As for tonight’s episode, man, Kimbo wants back in there so bad I think he’s slowly poisoning Marcus. So much for his only enemy being his “inner ME.”

SOLD OUT? REALLY?

Ben Folds played at The Egg tonight, and the show actually sold out. My good friend Ryan expressed actual and genuine disbelief towards a woman working at the box office, who in return became indignant at the inference that Ben Folds wouldn’t sell out The Egg.

At first I was surprised that Ben Folds could still sell out a venue. On further reflection, however, I came up with a few theories as to how this could have happened.
1. People thought purchase of the ticket would actually transport them back in time to 1997.
2. They thought Ben Kweller might show up (he didn’t).
3. The show was actually performed in a small conference room right past the lobby.
4. People my age gave up on taste in music ten years ago.

Listen, I don’t mean to drink haterade on the guy, but…wait, yeah, I do. Sorry. I don’t know quite what it is about his irreverently poppy cheap sarcasm that I find absolutely deplorable. His material is harmless enough, I suppose. I just have a tiny room in my heart for hate, and it’s occupied by him (and BJ Penn (and The Righteous Brothers (and the show “Scrubs” (and ESPECIALLY that mayonnaise-eating Zach Braff)))).

I THINK I’VE SUCCUMBED TO A SUPERNATURAL CURSE WROUGHT UPON MY SOUL BY AN ANGRY LITE ROCK LOVING GYPSY

I’ve caught myself lately listening to and liking Air Supply songs…and NOT ironically! This comes on the heels of my public admission on Twitter of my complete lack of interest in baseball over the last couple of years.

Something’s wrong with me. It’s like how in a werewolf movie, a dude will get attacked by a wolf and start to notice things. For example, he suddenly craves raw meat. He gets more aggressive, and sometimes his eyes turn into animal eyes. Stuff like that.

Except I wasn’t attacked by a wolf, but rather by a barrage of bad music sung by men in suits designed for “weekend play.” I suddenly crave wheat pasta. I get more aggressive with women, and sometimes I walk alone on a beach while my eyes occasionally  drift upwards towards the sky and NOW THAT I’VE FOUND YOU, EVEN THE NIGHTS ARE BETTER NOW THAT WE’RE HERE TOGETHER

SINCE I FOUND YOOOOOOOUUUU, OH WHOA WHOA

“How can you make fun of Ben Folds and then post an Air Supply video?” Because I can, that’s why. (Also, because my taste in stuff is awful & inconsistent)

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Ellie
    October 8, 2009 at 10:19 am

    Re: Ben Folds

    I wasn’t at all surprised when I heard on the radio Ben Folds was sold out at The Egg. Here’s why:

    1. The Egg is a great little venue and ever show I’ve seen there (while admittedly has been two TMBG and one Pixies show) has been pleasant and fun.

    2. Fans of Ben Folds are getting into their thirties. It’s not that we wanted to get older, it just sort of happened. And all this new music the kids are listening to – like Lady Gaga – is just too much. People used to play their own instruments you know!

    3. We live in Albany. Or Troy. Same thing really. We are never going to get a band to come here like… The Decemberists. So you take what you can get, and we can get Ben Folds.

    4. That cover of Dre’s Bitches Ain’t Shit is actually pretty good.

  2. Kari
    October 8, 2009 at 11:25 am

    I thought I was the only closet Air Supply fan. This is going to be an interesting day. Guess I’ll have to go to MP3 Riot and download some stuff. Niiiice. Thanks Kevin! :-/ 😉

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