Enough With These Goddamn Vampire Shows & “F.M.L.”
Seriously? “Love Sucks?” Clever, marketing team of The CW original series “The Vampire Diaires.” Real clever.
Know what else sucks? This trend. Nevermind the fact that it’s actually not so much a trend as a revival of sorts, since “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Anne Rice’s novels where apparently all vampires are a little more than half gay already went there and then some. Many a television critic has written of the allure for women viewers of the sexy vampire – he’s ageless, mysterious, and dangerous. I mean, I totally get that. Which is why whenever I get the phone number of a woman that I’m interested in sexually, I just leave vaguely threatening messages for her. In a sexy voice. This way I cover all the bases AND I won’t drink their blood!
KEVIN MARSHALL > VAMPIRES
I was hoping to have an update as to how you can go about ordering tickets for Arcadia. Alas, I don’t. But SOON, or heads are going to seriously roll.
KEVIN MARSHALL’S FRIENDS WANTING TO BUY TICKETS > ALL OTHER PRIORITIES
What a long goddamn day. I left sometime around 7:00am and didn’t get home until right before midnight. This included a trip to the supermarket after I had almost made it to my porch and realized the cat was on her last dish.
CAT > KEVIN MARSHALL
I’ll end this by noting I’ve been seeing a lot of “F.M.L.” on the internet lately, particularly on Facebook. For those not familiar, it’s an acronym for “F@#$ My Life.” I don’t know how it started nor do I care. I cannot approve of this, particularly since it’s really being abused.
Look, we all complain. If we didn’t complain, the internet never would have been created, let alone have flourished to the extent that it has. But something like “F.M.L.,” which denotes a heavy proclamation that your life is absolutely terrible because of some event that might seem something more than mundane to yourself and immediately family members, is just too much. Starving children and murder victims and terrible things all over the world and all that.
YOUR LIFE > MOST PEOPLE’S, REALLY
I mean seriously, you knocking something over accidentally doesn’t warrant a “MY LIFE IS SO F@#$ING AWFUL” status update. Let’s at least pretend we’re not self-defeating, if only for a moment.
…Christ, I need sleep.