Kevin Marshall Resigns as Acting Lt. Governor to Make Way for Guy You’ve Never Heard Of
Richard Ravitch has been named Lieutenant Governor of New York State by Governor David Paterson. This seems to come into direct conflict with the New York State Constitution, which specifically states that the vacancy of Lieutenant Governor can only be filled by an election performed simultaneously with a Gubernatorial election, and my earlier proclamation that I am Lieutenant Governor of New York State.
In such confusing and hard times for all New Yorkers, I must look North to the great state of Alaska; a state which I lovingly refer to as The Dangerously Swollen Bump on the Head of America. As such, I quit. I will step aside and allow the mysterious and elderly Richard Ravitch to not really assume the post and not really be able to legally do all the things he’s going to claim he’s able to do as Lieutenant Governor.
It has truly been a wonderful and eye-opening four weeks as your fake Lieutenant Governor. I can only hope that my various initiatives – including but not limited to removing all the concrete and asphalt from State Street and turning it into a giant Slip N Slide – will be continued with the spirit and tenacity appropriate for me and my mavericky maverick lifestyle. Dead fish.
Thank you, God bless you, and God bless New York.
Fmr. Acting Lt. Governor