Home > Uncategorized > I Wish I Had Your Job, Mark Sanford!

I Wish I Had Your Job, Mark Sanford!

I just got out of an overtime shift at work and while I’m happy to be getting the time and a half, I’d still rather have Mark Sanford’s job.

Mark Sanford demonstrates what he means by "more exotic."

Mark Sanford demonstrates what he means by "more exotic."

Catching y’all up to speed: Mark Sanford is the Governor of South Carolina.  A few weeks back he made headlines when he disappeared and nobody – not staffers, friends, or family – knew where he was or could locate him.  He turned up suddenly in an Atlanta airport, explaining that he was planning on taking a hiking trip in the Appalachians but decided he wanted to go somewhere more exotic.  That somewhere more exotic turned out to be inside an Argentinian businesswoman and one-time television reporter that he met last year while serving as part of a trade delegation sponsored by the United States Department of Commerce. In other words, they hooked up on MySpace.

So naturally the real story gets out, and Sanderson makes a tearful confession of infedelity. Immediately left-wing bloggers pounce on the controversy due to his vocal opposition to President Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky affair and his strong stance on gay marriage. Right-wing bloggers, who once used to make fun of those crybaby liberals, accuse left-wingers of character assasination in a manner similar to the gay teenager who cried under his sheets when people were making jokes about Britney Spears.

Then, amazingly, he didn’t resign from his post.  Many say that the worldwide humiliation and disgrace of the revelation is punishment enough, particularly since it dashed his hopes of a Presidential run in 2012. I respectfully(?) disagree.

For one, Sanford’s campaign wasn’t going to get out of New Hampshire.  As far as they’ve fallen, there’s no way the GOP would have been dumb enough to throw their weight behind a loud uptight right-of-center braggart from South Carolina to be their guy against The Deity of the Dems himself, Barack Obama (even if his numbers do plummet). So the only thing that was spoiled was the opportunity for Sanford to throw his support behind a stronger candidate after the Florida primaries, lobby to become his/her (hahahaha okay “his”) running-mate, then get passed over for aspiring Shining Time Station conductor Bobby Jindal.

More importantly, I can’t help but put myself in his situation. And no, I wouldn’t be asked to resign my post if I cheated on my wife. Even though I think there’s a good argument for a candidate being required to remain true to the key ethics and values that got him elected, I can’t say that everybody should be held to the standard of having to answer for their personal life in a professional environment. Besides, it’s politics, and dudes lies. On the other hand I’d be FIRED if I just decided to up and fucking disappear without tell my superiors, co-workers, friends, or anyone else where I was. THAT, folks, is what they call “dereliction of duty.”

Besides, who the Hell goes to Argentina? What is this, 1956? Did he wear a white suit and hat while he was there and grow a pencil-thin moustache?

I wish I had Mark Sanford’s job. I wish I had not only the prestige and perks of being a Governor in this great country of ours, but also the ability to just take off for a few days and leave the country without telling anybody and not lose my job. I mean, that’s a pretty awesome gig, don’t you think?

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