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Too Much “Salt”

Immigrants from the Third World living in the Capital Region, lock up your daughters: Angelina Jolie’s in town!

So the big hoopla in the area this week has been filming up of the upcoming Columbia Pictures film “Salt,” a CIA espionage “thriller” that was originally set to star Tom Cruise until the star dropped out of the project and was immediately replaced by Jolie. You know you have an incredible script when the gender of the protagonist can be flipped with only the most minor modifications and accommodations being made. But that’s Hollywood, where scripts quickly become a tertiary concern that are bastardized for the sake of other elements that do everything but make a better film.

Anyway, in the film Jolie plays a Russian sleeper agent who is outed. As a spy, not a lesbian. You’re thinking of “Gia.” Oh, and her last name is “Salt,” just so we’re not under the impression that this is some smart political thriller that involves the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks. The scene being shot in this area involves a car chase and from what little footage I’ve seen, somebody jumping off an overpass and onto a moving vehicle.

I know what you’re thinking – no good can come of this. That’s where you’d be wrong, my friend. The Albany Convention and Visitors Bureau estimates that the filming of the scene on Route 787 will generate “at least” $3.5 million towards the local economy, not counting the whopping $25 (not a typo – that’s twenty-five dollars). Some healthy skepticism has been expressed by folks in the area who don’t see how 150 people, most of whom are only here for a handful of days, can somehow spend that much money.

I’ve take the liberty of doing the math to justify the number presented by the ACVB (my acronym, not theirs). Please note that all figures are a rough approximation and are as conservative as possible so as to lower expectations in the hope that good news comes by way of pleasant surprises. Which is exactly how “Salt” will be marketed!

TOTAL REVENUE GENERATED FOR THE AREA: $3.5 million
The Breakdown:
* $1,200,000 – for toiletries, makeup, and fragrances to make Angelina look her best and hide Bradd Pitt’s B.O. (from his allegedly bad hygiene – true story)
* $336,000 – for Jerry Jennings’ bronzer.
* $238,350 – in legal fees to fight allegations that the Jennings administration illegally funneled money from Columbia Pictures to purchase bronzer.
* $600 – spent at the arcade at Jillian’s
* $400,000 – everyday catering from Shalimar’s
* $245,000 – amount spent by Angelina during JC Penny’s Red Tag Sales Event (now through Sunday!)
* $300,000 – for 300,000 scoops of Gelato at Crisan’s
* $220,000 – for Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee delivered on-set this weekend
* $50 – generously donated to the dude that has become an unintentional destitute resident of the region after the Deadheads he was travelling with abandoned him last Saturday.
* $560,000 – an evening of drinks (for two) at Franklin’s Tower

There you go.

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  1. Anonymous
    April 24, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Missed something…

    What? No money for bullseye parking decals?

    • April 24, 2009 at 4:33 pm

      Re: Missed something…

      That actually subtracts from from our local economy, since means the city loses money it’d normally make through fines for parking violations.

      With that in mind, this movie’s putting us in the red for about $8 million.

  2. April 24, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    Missed something else

    *$250,000- In attorney, adoption, and paying off the parents fees for Angelina adopting a neighborhood 3 year old who’s mother was too cracked out to notice that she had wandered out of the house and down to where the filming was taking place.

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