Home > Uncategorized > LV MAKES A CALL TO ACTION! -or- Josh Groban Must Be Stopped

LV MAKES A CALL TO ACTION! -or- Josh Groban Must Be Stopped

The following is in reference to last night’s Emmy telecast, but specifically to a request from lolavavoom to yours truly. I urge you all to read THIS ENTRY before we begin, which ends with LV pointing out some really weird racist shit that occurs.




(I’m looking at you kevinm126)

OHHHHH man. Where do I begin?

Firstly, Josh Groban is so goddamn white it’s embarrassing. I have it on good authority that he was not birthed from organic beings, but rather the stereotypes and voices that hacky black comedians give to their white characters. To say he’s a caricature is an understatement. He is, instead, a Demon let loose on this world as a personification of all that’s bad and terrible and awful with white society, its interests, hobbies, and pre-occupation with the mundane.

He is, in a short, the King of Caucasians. He makes me hate white people. And I’m white! Every time I hear Josh Groban sing, I think of three words: “fuck you, honkey.” Then I think of another four words: “Jesus, white people suck.” Then three more words: “die cracker die.”

There’s something painfully awkward in his delivery. He figures the only way to connect with men and women under the age of 57 is to pretend he watches television. Cue the performance shown above, where he tries to be hip the only way he knows and fails miserably. It’s almost like I’m watching the home-schooled kid entering a high school for the first time, enrolling in a talent show, and embarrassing himself with an old Vaudeville routine he learned from his Dad.

More offensive than that, though, is what LV points out: that the “C.O.P.S.” theme hits and the black folk onstage yell “oh shit” and make a fucking run for it. I’m surprised we didn’t see one of them run back across the stage with chicken feathers flying every which way while being pursued by an old white Southern farmer brandishing a double-barrelled shotgun.

Jesus Christ, Josh Groban. You are so white you cause racism to happen without even meaning for it to occur. A garbly, hollow-voiced instrument of evil…that, Josh Groban, is what you are.

And don’t ask me why he sang the theme to “The Carol Burnett Show” like she had passed away, or why the producers fed into this sentiment with slow-motion shots of Carol getting more screentime than anybody else. Carol Burnett is alive and quite well, thank you very much.

  1. September 23, 2008 at 6:02 am

    Yeah, I can imagine many viewers turning to the person sitting next to them at the end of that and asking “Wait, what? Carol Burnett’s not dead, is she?”

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