Home > Uncategorized > Chaotic Grumblings for a 26-year Old Man

Chaotic Grumblings for a 26-year Old Man

“I’m too old for this shit.”
– Danny Glover, “Lethal Weapon”

Larkfest was a disappointment. Granted, I went there in an absolutely miserable mood, so I was fated to not have a good time. But there was at least a chance for it to brighten up my spirits, and it didn’t.

Maybe it really was the fact that I was in a shitty mood in conjunction with the recovering alcoholic in me, but I’m a bit too old to be impressed by people I run into that have been drunk since it was still the AM. Is there anybody older than 24 who’s actually impressed with someone that proudly proclaims that they’ve been drunk for four hours and it’s only 3:00pm?

Talk about tired cliches; that hat’s so old it’s got a bullet hole in it courtesy of John Wilkes Booth. I mean, I find the chalked license Long Island crowd at those sort of gatherings to be obnoxious, but I find it even more obnoxious when the behavior and uselessness comes from folks who really ought to know better.

Also, no fucking Scientology tent this year. Larkfest, you failed me, and I won’t give you another opportunity to fail me again. We’re done.

I’m also too old to be 26 and single with no prospects. But we’ll save that rant for later.

Before I wrap up this mess, one more story. And it’s a true one. There were witnesses.

SCENE: myself and Ed Lass, Saturday September 22nd. Shortly before midnight. Ed and I are having one of those conversations where we start laughing and reference “The Internationale.” Don’t ask for context.

A guy next to us, one whom I’ve definitely run into before, turns around excitedly. “I CAN SING THE INTERNATIONALE!”

Ed says “what?” in a tone that is clearly asking what this guy is on about or about to get on about.

“Well, I’m a Marxist, so OF COURSE I know it!” (in response to a question NOBODY ASKED)

“Well let’s hear it!” I yelled.

He breaks into the song immediately, not realizing that he’s fallen into my trap. As soon as he takes a pause before the next chorus, I yell out “RUH-SHA NUMBA ONE! EEE-RAHN NUMBA ONE! UNITED STATES, HACK TOOEY!”

Ed and I laugh so hard we burst into tears. The Marxist is offended because he thinks we’ve lumped him in with Iran. I wonder if he’d be more offended if he realized what I was actually doing – juxtaposing the fake Marxist wrestler with the fake Marxist asshat in Albany. I mean c’mon, he literally bums around places in Albany screaming “I’M A MARXIST!”

Annnnd that’s all for me.


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  1. September 22, 2008 at 4:47 am

    I need to hang out with you guys when I’m back up there.

  2. September 22, 2008 at 5:19 am

    I just laughed so hard that I almost peed on my carpet.
    You’re amazing.

  3. September 22, 2008 at 2:25 pm

    I stopped going to Lark Fest for that very reason, many-a year ago. I skip it all together and just go to Irish 2000 in Altamont. There’s not the same level of asshattery.

    • September 23, 2008 at 12:11 am

      Well you are just SO MUCH SMARTER THAN ME, ma’am.

  4. September 22, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    “I’m also too old to be 26 and single with no prospects. But we’ll save that rant for later.”

    I don’t think I want to read that rant. That’s hitting way too close to home.

    I’m eating a delicious lunch from Al Baraki and I almost ended up wearing it when I read that story.

    • September 23, 2008 at 12:11 am

      Al Baraki? What is this place you speak of?

      I’m intrigued.

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