Home > Uncategorized > Catching bin Laden & Larkfest

Catching bin Laden & Larkfest

Firstly, chrusty posted a reponse to the latest entry wherein he included a video of Keith Olbermann ranting about John McCain’s promise that he has a super secret plan to capture Osama bin Laden. Olbermann’s reaction is sort of amusing, since he reacts to typical politician bullshit like a grown man watching professional wrestling who still thinks it’s real.

What could the old man know that the military and intelligence community don’t already know concerning bin Laden’s whereabouts? Even accepting the unbelievable theory that McCain has inside information that nobody else stateside is privy to, wouldn’t he rather share that with them to have bin Laden caught now so he can take the credit and use that to propel him to the Presidency?

Lucky for all of you, I have inside sources that have given me a big scoop: McCain DOES have a plan to capture bin Laden. It involves a trail of pecan sandies and hard ribbon candy leading to a box that’s tipped halfway upward by a stick with a piece of string tied to it. And all we have to do to execute this flawless is vote in the old man and the lady cop from Fargo this November.


Larkfest is coming up. For those that don’t live in the area, Larkfest is Albany’s annual excuse for pseudo-indie hipster posers and wannabe Brooklyn Trash to get drunk in the street and hang out on their stoop pretending for one day that they aren’t overpriviledged spoiled brats who get scared to death at the sight of a black person.

Headlining on the main stage this year: Tom Morello. NO WAIT. Not just Tom Morello, former guitar virtuoso from Rage Against the Machine. At Larkfest, we’ll be treated to…Tom Morello “The Nightwatchman”.

I think it’s a little presumptuous for him to assume that title. I certainly never hired him to be our Nightwatchman. If we’re talking in vague socio-economic terms, then what, Morello’s the dude who keeps watch on all the things that happen in our darkest hours as if his insight means more than that of any other observer? Hey, maybe it means he’s Batman, which would make sense since his singing voice is roughly what I would expect to hear from Christian Bale’s Batman voice singing a song. Or maybe he’s a predator of some sort. HE WILL FUCKING WATCH YOU IN THE NIGHT.

Whatever. When it comes to musicians adopting blue collar jobs as gimmicks, “The Singing Brakesman” rules over all.

Make sure you kids get tested for consumption!

More later…

  1. September 17, 2008 at 2:00 am

    You’re awesome.

    • September 17, 2008 at 3:30 am

      *bows* Thank you, thank you.

      • September 17, 2008 at 3:33 am

        I still like the rationale of Tulip Fest better:

        The flowers are in bloom, let’s get shitfaced!! WAHOO!!

      • September 17, 2008 at 3:42 am

        How come douchebags don’t do what they do on St. Patrick’s Day and pretend to be Dutch during Tulip Fest? Walk around in little Dutchboy hats and wooden clogs…

      • September 17, 2008 at 3:48 am

        Because they only pretend to be Dutch when Pot is involved.

        Get cultural aclimated, Marshall!

        And you don’t see much of this shit with the Italian holidays and festivals, mind you. No one gets shitface on Valentines day, just laid.

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