Home > Uncategorized > Olympic Observations: Days 5-7

Olympic Observations: Days 5-7

* We’re still seeing tons of beach volleyball. And yet no wrestling, tae kwan do, very little team volleyball…gah. Swimming is of course getting extended coverage. I didn’t include “judo” because, to be quite honest, it’s pretty boring.

* Michael Phelps has not only won Gold in every event he’s competed in, he’s also broken the world record for each respective event. NBC did a frightening CGI-heavy segment on Phelps’ highly unnatural build – he has the legs of a man 6’0″ and the torso of a man 6’8″. This makes two things very clear. One, Michael Phelps was built in a lab. Two, as itrytobeamused stated to me in a conversation, “omg michael phelps is going to rise up and kill us all.” She doesn’t use “omg” liberally, folks. This is serious business.

* From the same conversation, we were thinking out loud about the fact that almost every single swimming event has resulted in a world record being broken. It’s not just Phelps, either. Is there a new doping agent that’s undetectable (a la HGH – which they’re still developing a test for)? Did the Chinese put something in the water? Or are they all robots? Or are they all robots on HGH swimming in pools with anabolic steroids being used as a cleaning agent in lieu of chlorine?

* Frenchman Alain Bernard, who doomed his country’s chances in the 4 x 400m medley by talking trash and giving the Americans motivation to win, won a 50m race tonight. 50 meters. One lap. Congratulations on winning an event that requires no stamina, Alain. I’ll leave the puns to the readers.

* SPONSOR NOTE: The film “Beverly Hills Chihuaua.” It exists. *shudders*

* The All-Around finals for Men’s Gymnastics were last night, and boy was it sloppy. I don’t know if it was exhaustion, increased pressure, or perhaps the negative effects of an early morning jog in one of the most polluted cities in the world. All I know is that I saw one of the worst falls I’ve ever seen in an Olympics, and even the eventual Gold medal winner made an error on the pommel horse that children tend to avoid. Ugly.

* Staying on gymnastics, the Associated Press unearthed several articles from a Xinhua newspaper in 2007 that noted at least two of the members of the Chinese Women’s Gymnastics Team as being 13 years of age. They did an image capture of this article, and upon breaking the story found that the aforementioned stories had been removed. The official stance of the Chinese and the IOC is that their passports state that they qualify, and that’s that. It doesn’t concern them that ages and names on passports are determined by the issuing agency, in this case the Chinese government, since there isn’t any international oversight for this sort of thing. Meaning that a true investigation would be looking into birth certificates and records rather than taking the Passports themselves at face value. Passports can not only have errors, they can also contain outright lies.

In the next few days: a look at the greatest Olympians (hint: it’s not Phelps) and a bit of insight into why Bela Karolyi’s eccentricity is no laughing matter.

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  1. August 15, 2008 at 4:46 am

    1. How tall *is* Phelps? Also, he has size 14 feet. Take that for whatever you want. He may rise up and kill us all, but not before he impregnates the women of the world* with his mighty seed. Srsly. If HE swims like that, imagine what his SPERM can do??? Holy Jeez.

    2. Not only does Beverly Hills Chihuaua exist**, you don’t have to be Kreskin to figure out it’s going to have puppies.*** It’s a given. Even if the movie tanks. Say hello to Beethoven of the 21st century.

    *Heh. Guess he’s sorry he’s in China now.
    **Along with EL CHUPACABRE. Brock totally called it.
    ***I am all about the breeding in this post. WTF?

    • Anonymous
      August 15, 2008 at 2:01 pm

      1. He’s 6’4″. Oh, and his wingspan is 151 inches (6’7″). PHREAK.

      2. Roll over Beethoven…roll over and DIE

      And yeah, what WAS with all the breeding? Someone’s in heat, methinks.

  2. Anonymous
    August 15, 2008 at 2:35 pm

    It’s Flipper

    Apparently all the swimming records are being broken because everybody’s using a dolphin-style kick after they push off, which back in the day nobody did. I was listening to NPR do a thing about this. And Phelps’ freakishly large feet are basically acting like a dolphin’s flipper.

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