Home > Uncategorized > Olympic Observations: Days 1-4

Olympic Observations: Days 1-4

* Do you wonder if the expert commentators they have for events spend 3 years and 11 months just marking the days off a calendar until the next Olympics with a deep sigh?

* If the members of the Chinese Women’s Gymnastics team are 16-years-old, then I’m 47.

* Beach volleyball is really boring to watch, and the marketing of it by NBC and the sports media is really goddamn shameless. Also shameless:

(HT: enfarcer)

* Speaking of transparent attempts to sex up the Olympics, when is the American sports media going to give up on convincing me that softball player Jennie Finch is the most beautiful woman in the world? I mean, she’s pretty and all, but she does nothing for me.

* Retired Australian swimmer and 5-time Gold Medalist Ian Thorpe was shown in the crowd of the Water Cube (I think that’s what it’s called) watching Michael Phelps break the Olympic Record for most Gold medals won. He looked like he’d been drinking for days, and I think I saw him turn to the person next to him and say “Fuckin’ Phelpsh, nine medals gimmegoddamnbreak *indecipherable rambling broken by clear-as-day gay slurs* “.

* Speaking of which, we need a female Phelps stateside so us dudes can join in on the sexually charged fascination shallowly disguised as legitimate interest in athletic competition. AM I RIGHT FELLAS

* George W. Bush showed up in the NBC studios last night to be interviewed by Bob Costas. After talking Olympic sports for the first minute, Costas turned the line of questioning towards various human rights violations and the revoking of Joey Cheeks’ passport for his intent to use the Olympics to raise awareness of the genocide occurring in the Sudan. Bush promised that he’s been pressing all the issues with the Chinese during his visit to Beijing, just as he has every time he’s met with them previously. I wonder if he can see their souls like he can see Vladimir Putin’s, since his spiritual conquest of Putin’s inner light has been such a great help to the entire Georgian nation.

* Absolutely nobody likes the lazily written human interest pieces or the “stupid tourist” skits that NBC does, which is why not nearly as many people watch the Olympics as they used to. So why do they insist on them? There’s freaking sports going on 24/7, but instead we have to see a five-minute piece on the largest public restroom facility in the world. Think I’m exaggerating for comedic effect? Sadly, no.

* It’s really morbid to hear commentators, reporters, dignitaries, heads of state, and other folks on television talking about what a fantastic job China has done with the facilities knowing that they literally made millions of poor people homeless – forcing them out of their homes in Beijing and into the countryside – to make room for these wonderful facilities that don’t look any more impressive than any other facility that has hosted Olympic competitions. I’d like to recommend the IOC institute a new requirement for hosting the games that says a city can’t be a host if it has to ruthlessly oppress its own people in order to make room for archery ranges.

* WHERE THE HELL IS THE WRESTLING? I’ve found my Michael Phelps, and her name is Marcie Van Dusen. “She can grapple with me anytime” or something like that.

MVD is the MVP!

* If Team USA does not win the Gold Medal in Basketball, then I want all the players – in particular Kobe Bryant – to go all Japanese about it and apologize in a press conference for bringing great shame to their countrymen.

More in the coming days as this terrible coverage from NBC continues.

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  1. August 12, 2008 at 3:32 am

    I know Marcie Van Dusen!

  2. August 13, 2008 at 3:11 am

    you are so wrong about beach volleyball and regular volleyball. Its about time it got out of the 2am slot and into prime time.

    • August 14, 2008 at 4:25 am

      Indoor Volleyball I like. It’s exciting, fast-paced, great atmosphere. It belongs in primetime.

      I find Beach Volleyball to be overall slower paced, and with only two people a team, not nearly as interesting to watch. It just…bores me. I can’t explain it.

  3. August 14, 2008 at 3:13 am

    Here’s what I want to know: If the womens beach volleyball team plays in bikinis, why don’t the men play in speedos? Why do the swim teams wear more clothes than the womens beach volleyball team? What will it be next? Women Judo Team in bikinis? And I’m SO with you on the Mens basketball team going Japanese if they lose!

    • August 14, 2008 at 4:27 am

      Good point, and the answer is because they know where their bread is buttered when it comes to beach volleyball, and it’s almost as if they don’t even care. So sexist it’s not even funny.

      I just want to see Kobe cry.

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