Behold, the Power of Text Messaging
It’s 4:00am. I can’t sleep and I’m wired.
Unfortunately, I didn’t end up watching UFC 87 after all. There were a number of scheduling conflicts with the regular crew that watches the events with me, and my roommate and co-host for “4 Color Commentary” had to go home for the evening. As it was, I couldn’t justify having myself and chrusty drop twenty-five to thirty dollars each for a show, no matter how excited I was for it.
The evening, however, was far from a complete waste, as I instead went out for karaoke with three lovely lady friends. I’ll probably write more about some of the stranger aspects tomorrow (technically today), but despite some strange happenings at another table, a good time was had by all.
Since I missed the event, I asked LUML co-host BPD (bpdermody) to text me the results. Shortly after, my brother volunteered to do the same.
Ladies and gentleman…Jack Marshall and Brian P. Dermody’s Results and Commentary on UFC 87 with Kevin Marshall’s Karaoke Crowd Pleasers.
Ben Saunders def. Ryan Thomas by Submission (2nd RD, armbar)
Chris Wilson def. Steve Bruno by Unanimous Decision
Jon Jones def. Andre Gusmao by Unanimous Decision
Cheick Kongo def. Dan Evensen via TKO (1st RD, ground and pound)
Was aired during the pay-per-view telecast to fill in time between fights.
BPD: “Kongo 1st rd ground and pound”
BPD: “Rogan tries to show the replay and Kongo walks away. Awesome.”
Tamdan McCrory def. Luke Cummo by Unanimous Decision
AND WE’RE LIVE!
BPD: “The same drag queen from the last UFC I watched at [location] is here again. Fan of wings or gay foreplay?”
Jack: “You watching tonight? Lesnar wants to kill Herring. And Herring looks cool with a faux hawk.”
* NOTE: My brother is wrong. Nobody looks cool with a faux hawk. No exceptions.
BPD: “Dana buries Tito in the intro. ALL CLASS.”
Jack: “They’re in Minnesota. Lesnar HAS to win.”
BPD: “Rogan didn’t bother to shave.”
KARAOKE PERFORMANCE: “Wild Boys” by Duran Duran
Jason MacDonald vs. Demian Maia
Jack: “Sick BJJ fight so far.”
Jack: “Maia by sub 3rd round. Sick fight.”
BPD: “Maia chokes out MacDonald mid 3rd round. Very good fight.”
BPD: “EARLIER TONIGHT! GSP arrived in a sharp suit.”
Roger Huerta vs. Kenny Florian
BPD: “Kenflo by unan dec. Very exciting fight.”
Jack: “Florian by unanimous over Huerta. Awesome fight, nice muay thai from K flo.”
Manny Gamburyan vs. Rob Emerson
BPD: “Emerson over manny 12 second KO”
BPD: “It was pretty quick. One to stun and one to k him the f o”
Jack: “Rob Emerson KOs Manny in 12 seconds.”
Me: “Son of a bitch.”
KARAOKE PERFORMANCE: “The Humpty Dance” by Digital Underground
Brock Lesnar vs. Heath Herring
BPD: “I have first round 10-8 Brock.”
BPD: “2nd I have 10-9 Brock.”
BPD: “30-26 across the board.”
Jack: “Lesnar by superhero style mauling. It looked like Hulk vs. Abomination.”
Jack: “It was sick. Brock mauled him, destroyed him.”
Georges St. Pierre (c) vs. Jon Fitch (for UFC Welterweight Championship)
BPD: “GSP by unan. decision. Fitch has nothing to be ashamed of.”
* NOTE: Jack and I have a running joke wherein we pretend to be the obnoxious Ring of Honor fans who fully believe everything and anything Ring of Honor and/or the Japanese do is incredibly awesome. We don’t completely hate on everything ROH, but get exasperated at the excessive praise these pathetic fanboys lavish on the Northeast Indy. I write this all so that you have some sort of context for the following:
Jack: “Fitch/St. Pierre is ROH main event worthy”
Jack: “It makes Marafuji/Danielson look like Warrior/Honky Tonk Man”
KARAOKE PERFORMANCE: “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol
And that’s the show. Looks like I missed one Hell of a card. I’ll have to catch it tomorrow when my wireless isn’t lagging and shitting the bed on me every five minutes.