Home > Uncategorized > I Don’t Know Enough, but I Might Know What Lever I’m Pulling

I Don’t Know Enough, but I Might Know What Lever I’m Pulling

Let’s review the results of that meme I posted a day or two ago, shall we?

Before I begin, I don’t put much faith behind it. It IS, after all, something on the internet, which should always be taken with a grain of salt (or perhaps a big lump like you would find in a salt shaker left too close to the fridge).

NOTE – the contents of this post are for entertainment purposes only and should be viewed as such. Far be it from me to tell anybody who they should and shouldn’t vote for. I speak only from a personal level, and don’t make the claim that most other bloggers will make to be a political expert, nor do I believe that my opinion is the end-all be-all. For shit like that, go check out the blog of some bespectacled neo-con on blogspot or watch the video blogs of a far-left elitist on YouTube.

80% John Edwards He sure is a handsome man with a Southern accent that has been toned and diluted to the point where he sounds less like somebody genuinely from the area he’s from and more like a smooth-talkin’ Southern lawyer protagonist taken out of a Hollywood adaptation of a John Grisham novel. But boy, Bill O’Reilly sure does hate him for no particular reason whatsoever, so he has to be doing or saying something right. Perhaps he’s eating at that amazing restaurant in Harlem where black people eat and conduct themselves as if they’re civilized – right Bill? But he gets negative points for reminding me of the alien chicken lawyer from Futurama. BAGAWK! He’s sorry, he thought you was corn.

80% Barack Obama Sorry kids, I know everybody wants to hate him since he’s the “hot new frontrunner” and all, but I have to admit I’m starting to be affected by the cult of personality surrounding him. Hey, what can I say? At heart, I’m just another stupid Johnny A. Democrat (the “A” is for AMERICA). Besides, I find that the more attacks are leveled against this guy, the more I like him. For example, the latest smear campaign is focusing on the fact that while he was in the Illinois State Legislature he voted against a bill that would have restricted abortion rights. And hey, I’m pro-choice, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing in my book. Also, the false claims of him attending a Muslim school as a child and other such nonsense that propogated like wildfire in the past few weeks (even after they’d been debunked) endear me to him that much more. I also liked the (short-lived) campaign against him for not being a “real” African-American. Apparently he’s Al Jolson? Idunno. All that being said, though he may ultimately end up being my choice for President, I know that people think that a guy without extensive experience at the federal level is a good thing for this country. But there’s a lot of people on the other side of the fence that used that as a positive for George W in 2000. Something to keep in mind.

79% Hillary Clinton There’s a few reasons I despise Hillary Clinton as much as I do. For one, and I know people think it’s a cheap knock, but I still to this day have a problem with anybody who does the bare minimum to become “a New Yorker” just to be elected to the Senate. I hate the term “carpet bagger” as much as the next person and call me old-fashioned, but I have this weird outdated belief that somebody elected as a representative of the people should at least give the appearance of being representative of the people who elected him/her to office. Also, nothing she says comes across to me as genuine or organic. Also, people are so singularly obsessed with the idea of “making history” that they’ll throw their support behind a candidate simply because of her gender, and those same people will counter any argument against her becoming President with “you just don’t want to see a woman as President.” When the truth is, I just don’t want Hillary to be President, plain and simple. But boy, it sure would be fun to see Bill walking around as First Husband, especially since in the past few years he’s stopped giving a shit and has been FANTASTIC at press conferences when putting members of the media in their place.

77% Joe Biden Unfortunately, the meme that generated this result didn’t ask the question “does Joe Biden remind you of a creepy old dude who would sexually harass your daughter at her place of employment and then do what he could to have her shuffled to a different department with as little commotion as possible?” and ask me to rate it on a scale of 1-5. Because he totally does. I know it’s very Bill O’Reilly of me, but I’ve never believed a single thing that’s come out of this guy’s mouth. But whatever, he was done literally minutes after Obama was projected as the winner in Iowa. Which, considering how high-level of a figure he was just a few short years ago, is pretty surprising. Well, to me at least. I never claimed to be a Beltway Insider (or Beltway Blogger).

75% Chris Dodd Out. Who cares.

73% Dennis Kucinich I really do genuinely like Kucinich on a personal level. I have no doubt that the guy’s genuine in what he believes. *waits for the “also, his wife is hot” reply to this post* However, almost every stance he takes on issues is a stance I took when I was so much more naive than I am now in regards to how the world works and operates on almost every level. For that, I’m sorry, but I can’t take him seriously. Also, he looks like a younger male version of Estelle Getty.

73% Mike Gravel Is this the guy that “tried to make boyfriend love in bathroom” as WWE character Santino Marella once put it? Oh, wait, this guy’s a Democrat. So…who is he again? Ah well. Don’t care.

70% Bill Richardson In reality, he’s my real second choice (if not my first) for President. I seem to agree with nearly all of his true political positions, and his experience (and success) in foreign policy is a HUGE plus. Hell, he had more success with foreign diplomacy as Governor of freaking New Mexico (helping free a journalist wrongfully imprisoned in Sudan and brokering a 60-day cease fire that although quickly broken by both sides was at least an honest attempt at a solution) than most others have had that are currently elected to positions at the federal level. It’s just too bad he’s not sexy enough for the American public.

35% Rudy Giuliani I like Rudy, really. I don’t hate on the guy. He did fantastic things for New York City, even if that came with some controversial stances when it came to dealings between the police and the community. But I’m sorry, the guy just has certain things about his character that make me uneasy in trusting him in the post he’s running for. The controversies now surrounding his time as Mayor of New York City (such as using taxpayer dollars to have his then-mistress chauffeured around New York) may seem minor, but it has me wondering what kind of shit he’d try to pull as President. Yes, it’s a slippery-slope argument, but what this country needs right now more than anything is a President whose term and legacy won’t be destroyed by some stupid bullshit scandal.

30% Tom Tancredo See entry for Dodd, Chris.

28% Mitt Romney Poor Mitt. He’s all over the place in terms of his stance on social issues over the past 12 years, but what politician that sticks around for more than five years isn’t? And geez, as ridiculous as I find some aspects of the religion (sorry Mormons), is the fact that he’s a Mormon such an awful thing? I mean, nearly everybody who worked on “Napoleon Dynamite” was a Mormon, and despite the popularity of the film the country is STILL INTACT! Leave the poor guy alone, damnit.

20% John McCain Poor John. He was once a respectable guy; someone who wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, which sometimes got him in trouble. But he also didn’t come off as an arrogant absolutist whose mind couldn’t be changed, PLUS he still managed to come across as a man of conviction. That’s nearly impossible in this day and age, and yet he still lost to the smooth-talkin’ down-home country boy son of a former President and multi-millionaire. Then he started towing the Republican line ad-nauseum in the years following and never quite fully recovered. A man who was once a promising and exciting leader who could have possibly brought both sides together is now, eight years later, a guy whose reputation has been destroyed by kowtowing to traditional two-party politics. It doesn’t help that eight years hasn’t made him any younger. A real, real shame, and perhaps the saddest story of this primary season.

16% Fred Thompson There was a lot of excitement generated from him when his candidacy was first announced. After all, he’s on the hit television drama “Law & Order”! Unfortunately, once people got over the fact that a guy from “Law & Order” was running for President (and realized it wasn’t Ice T), interest waned. The comparisons to Reagan were cute and all, but Reagan was a leading man, even if it was in films where his co-star was a talking donkey, not just some background character who usually only appears for a few minutes each episode. It may sound cold, but there’s a reason Thompson isn’t the star of any show he’s on – good actor with solid skills, but he has the personality of a wet brick. NEXT.

15% Mike Huckabee U ❤ Huckabee if U h8 Muslims. He seems like a genuine enough guy, but Jesus, the stuff he's genuine about scares the shit out of me. He has a lot of that down-home naivety and ignorance that we're better off without. I mean, we got that with our current President in 2000, and look where it got us.

15% Ron Paul Obviously, this poll was created by someone with a personal vendetta against Ron Paul. Because if his supporters are to be believed, he was far and away the favorite on the Republican side and winning every manner of poll both on the internet and in real life. So how do we explain his poor performance in Iowa and what will continue to be a poor performance in the primaries? Well, first it’ll be that the media is suppressing Paul and he’s being excluded from debates, even though up until the results of the Iowa Caucus he was much more talked about than any other candidate (even if it was in the form of “underground movement” type pieces) and was included in several key debates shown on Fox News. Failing that, of course it’ll be the same people rigging the Primaries that took down the Twin Towers. Oh, I know, that’s not fair. You know, it wouldn’t be so bad if Ron Paul’s supporters talked about anything other than Ron Paul. It reminds me a lot of Howard Dean’s failed campaign in 2003 to 2004 – there’s all this talk of the internet changing the face of the landscape of politics. But in the end (not surprisingly) the impact of “bloggers” and such on the American public as a whole was and is comically exaggerated. If anything, they defeated their own purpose by not only engaging in methods that only ensured support among those already supporting Ron Paul rather than converting anybody who wasn’t already supporting their candidate, but also burned people out on him months before the primaries even began. In short, Ron Paul supporters: after Super Tuesday, can we talk about something else? Please? For God’s sake?

If Sam Eagle were a real person, I’d vote for him. Instead, it’s between Obama and Bill Richardson. Decisions, Decisions (2008).

More later…

  1. January 7, 2008 at 5:13 am

    After watching the debates Saturday night, I think I became more an Edwards gal than a Barak Obama fan.

    Nice commentary on Hillary Clinton supporters. Case in point: As my family watched the Democrats, I asked my parents who they were going to vote for. Dad said that the debate and recent days had made him go over to the Obama side. My sister stated that she had jumped the Clinton ship around Thanksgiving when Edwards started to jump start his campaign and she liked what she heard. My mother said, “I’m voting for Hillary. She’s a woman.” When we asked her some questions, like what she thought of carpet bagging, and the fact that Hillary takes more money from HMOs and pharmacutical lobbyists and she doesn’t really actively support campaign reform, my mother said in her widsom,” Hillary Clinton is a woman and we are ready for a woman president.”

    Now don’t get me wrong, I think we are. I think Clinton is a bad choice as a woman president. Someone like a Libby Dole from the 90’s I’d vote for. She had substance and had experience and completely saved the Red Cross from going under. Clinton has not been very successful at what she’s tried to accomplish.

    Billy Rich needs to be VP. All of the other democratic candidates have little experience. We need someone with real experience and brilliance in handling… oh, let’s say everything he’s done.

  2. January 7, 2008 at 2:21 pm

    The Corpse of Bill Hicks ’08!

  3. Anonymous
    January 7, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    Debunked rumors

    Hey Kev, this is Ed. Just an FYI, those Rudy rumors have been as debunked as the ones about Obama: http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2007/12/20/us/politics/20071221_GIULIANI_GRAPHIC.html

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