Home > Uncategorized > Season’s Greetings Part 2 (the one that just goes “Da na na naaaa na, HEY”)

Season’s Greetings Part 2 (the one that just goes “Da na na naaaa na, HEY”)

A big no-prize to anyone who gets the joke(?) in the subject.

The Christmas festivities started yesterday afternoon when I attended Christmas Eve mass at 4:00pm with my father, oldest sister, brother-in-law, and the twins (nieces). Firstly, people can knock the Catholic Church, but they tend to put on a Hell of a live show. Except this time around, they had this super-enthusiastic guy in a sweater that made him look like a Unitarian leading the choir and instructing everyone in the church how to sing along with the songs he was going to sing. And this guy…man. He had a guitar player, flutist, and trumpet player accompanying him that all looked kind of annoyed by him. He would lean into his Casio keyboard like he was Elton John in Central Park, and despite his vocal limitations he thought he was AWESOME. Michael W. Andrews, look out, because The Catholic Dressed Like Unitarian at Mass is shooting up the Spiritual Rock charts.

Then Bishop Hubbard spoke. All was going well with his address, until suddenly it turned into the O’Reilly Factor and we got lectured on just how bad it is out there for Christians this time of year, because in case you didn’t know, there’s a CULTURE WAR going on and people want to destroy the true meaning of Christmas. This is NOT to be confused with my own War on High Culture.

And lookit the ass I gave myself. OOOOOOOO CHILD!

So yeah. What was one throwaway comment all of a sudden became the focal point of his sermon, and it annoyed me to no end.

What’s so frustrating about this stance is that so many people have to put themselves in a victimized position with little to no merit behind it. They’ve turned an attempt at inclusion (like saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” to people) and one or two podunk towns in Vermont taking down a Nativity Scene into a Christmas Assault on Jesus and all his followers. I mean, c’mon people, Christmas is in no danger of disappearing, and the only sect seeing a dramatic decrease in parishoners is the Catholic Church, and that’s their own doing. There isn’t a large machine headed up by Seven Jew Bankers trying to erase any and all remnants of Christianity in our society, despite what some would have you believe. And it’s worth noting which “side” declared it a WAR in the first place.

I don’t normally rant against religion or in particular Christian Institutions very often, because I have respect for the beliefs of others and unlike most atheists have a healthy enough level of self-esteem not to look down on anybody who thinks differently from myself. This is more targeted at those that truly believe that there is a” War on Christmas” and a broader “Culture War” going on. There isn’t. It doesn’t exist. It was invented by a few bored Fundamentalists (who didn’t have enough to occupy their time apparently) and some 23-year-old staff writer on The O’Reilly Factor.

Besides, it’s freaking Christmas mass. Is there a need to bring that much negativity into a mass? I’m not asking that everyone pretend they’re Hare Krishna and bang on tambourines while smiling and downing mushrooms, but man, it was wholly unnecessary and a total downer to what’s supposed to be a celebration of love and the birth of Christ their savior.

The other worthwhile thing to note was that my nieces, the twins, were PERFECTLY behaved little children. I’ve never known of six-year-olds to be so polite, quiet, and observant as those two were. One of them, Tara, asked how she can go about taking communion. It was explained to her that there’s all these steps you have to take, and her response was “wow, that must be pretty good food.”

Well, I laughed.

Afterwards we went to my sister’s house and I ate like a total fat kid. My oldest niece didn’t come down until I was about to leave, since she was running a fever and vomiting the last few days. I gave her the Hollister Gift Card with a shirtless dude on it. Hey, the only other alternative was shirtless dude dry-humping blonde anorexic chick.

So after having my nieces and my father open their gifts, I was presented with seven boxes with seven shirts (and no, that’s not a musical – you’re thinking of “Seven Wives for Seven Brothers”) that my mother had left at my sister’s house the last time she was home. I offered to bring my other sister’s presents with me since I’d see her on Christmas Day, but then I was informed I was the only one who got presents. Man, talk about a downer. My Irish guilt kicked in hardcore.

BUT WHO CARES, I GOT SEVEN SHIRTS!

So then I dropped my father off at his place and headed to Jill & Pete’s party. It was a good time, except…well, let’s just say that there was a Drunky McDramatist that spent the entire night alternately crying, laying down, drinking, and chatting up the girl that I had just met, became smitten with, and was hitting it off with. Which prevented me from getting said girl’s number (who bee tee dubs has fantastic eyes). Drunky did get taken home eventually, so I did get a chance at the end of the night to get the girl’s number (and a little kiss on the cheek).

NOTE – I plan on giving her a call tomorrow. Hopefully she’ll still show the remote interest she showed last evening. Because she totally made me forget about something/someone else that was eluded to in a previous entry, and she’s pretty awesome. And pretty. And stuff. Duh huh huh.

Afterwards, after assuming that Pete and Jill had retired for the evening, we went upstairs to leave. That’s when we discovered Jill & Pete hiding in their living room with looks of utter shock on their faces. Apparently, while we were down in their basement chatting it up, they saw something…well, let’s just say they saw something they never should’ve seen and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to see. And I’m glad I didn’t.

I took reaction shots with the phone on my camera, but unfortunately I don’t have the time to upload them since people are en route to my apartment right now with Scrabble. Perhaps tomorrow. Oh, and I guess I should tell you about today as well, though it was just a family visit with my sister and her friends for Christmas Dinner which resulted in me once again feeling like a total fat kid. Since that’s all there is to write about, perhaps I’ll skip that when I update this tomorrow afternoon/evening.

But reaction shots WILL be posted. Eventually.

More later…

(and Merry Christmas!)

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