Home > Uncategorized > I didn’t know the man.

I didn’t know the man.

NOTE – My original intent was to screen this entry as private, however I really don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t be public.

I found out at a meeting today that a familiar face from the rooms committed suicide.

The man in question died sober. It’s known he was on anti-depression medication and had his issues, much of which stemmed from his days spent under the influence.

On the few occasions that I spoke to him one on one, he didn’t strike me as the type that would do what he did. There were numerous and futile attempts at rationalization upon hearing the news, including that medications may have been accidentally switched or there was a modification to his prescription that he didn’t take to. I’m of the personal opinion that while it’s certainly a possibility that shouldn’t be wholly disregarded, trying to explore one specific reason for a person committing suicide will only drive the speculator mad, especially because it’s rarely one or even two specific factors that you can attribute to a person deciding to take his or her own life. It’s far more complicated than we want it to be.

Again, I didn’t know him very well. He attended a good number of meetings, but we only saw each other occasionally. He attended different meetings and I have a habit at times of not attending all the meetings that I should to maintain my sanity and sobriety. Still, the announcement came as a shock.

I’ve had people much closer to me pass away and specifically take their own lives. This, however, has shaken me more than any passing in recent memory.

Part of it is the fact that he was sober. I don’t dare say he had it “beat”, since anybody who thinks they or any alcoholic ever has it “beat” is delusional at best and a fool at worst. However, it’s a sobering (no pun intended) reminder that something like this can strike despite your best efforts, even to an individual who addresses in each and every way possible all his/her character flaws and mental problems. This wasn’t a guy who had continually threatened to take his own life. He also wasn’t the type to keep things to himself and let problems overwhelm him – all impressions I got were that he’d learned a long time ago how to recognize those problems and didn’t hesitate in addressing them.

Another part of it is that if you see a friendly face and are in an environment like AA where you don’t need to know each other very well to know a person and why they’re there, it’s almost like losing somebody you actually know. It’s just the nature of the rooms – even being in there, you’re sharing things with complete strangers (though not really since you share more character traits and experiences than you’d realize) that you most likely would not share with a good number of close friends and in some cases not even with family.

If you’re having a problem with anything – anger, depression, anything – there’s always an avenue to address it. And even if you don’t know where to find the help you need, there’s always a way to find out more information. Pursue it. Make yourself a priority and realize that when you feel like something’s wrong, there’s much more benefit to addressing it than simply ignoring it. Take care of yourself and take any measures necessary to ensure your own happiness.

More later…

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  1. October 6, 2007 at 10:46 pm

    *hug*

    It’s a hard line, no matter how one walks it. Having known several people who felt they were that far down the rope… I’ve been around it more than once. If you need someone to talk to about this, or anything else, know that you have friends here in Ballston Spa. Even if you wanna show up for a hanging out and some friends, some movies or bad english tv, or some cheesecake.

    Not that I’m worried in anyway about you. Just making sure you know you have perhaps a larger support network than you realise.

    -Me

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