Home > Uncategorized > Hurting Myself and Fleeing Skunks in Terror

Hurting Myself and Fleeing Skunks in Terror

I almost literally fell back into my apartment from the porch. I was having a cigarette, sitting on the bottom stoop, when I noticed a little black and white puffy tail out of the corner of my eye. I shot up and swear to God nearly jumped a full 3 feet to the top of my porch (I’m surprisingly athletic when the reflexes kick in), then proceeded to fumble with the key trying to let myself back in while the skunk slowly approached me from the bottom of the porch. It was like a scene out of a horror movie if done for complete laughs. A fully grown, 170-pound man trying for dear life to get the Hell away from a skunk that looked like it was a…kitten skunk. I don’t know, whatever you’d call a young skunk. A pup?

I’m sure this information is online, but I’m too lazy and traumatized to look it up.

So yeah. I literally almost fell into my apartment and slammed the door behind me. Of course, on the way in I nearly whapped the Old Bitch (Zoe the Cat), who has fallen into a very bad habit of randomly waiting right in front of the door – which opens TOWARDS HER – whenever I step out.

This on top of somehow managing to sucker-punch myself in the right eye (or something approximating a sucker-punch) while I was sleeping Saturday night. The swelling’s starting to get noticeable and people are going to start asking questions. I think I might tell them I have a girlfriend who beats me to avoid exposing the embarrassing truth of the matter.

Also, work was freaking chaos today. Everything that went wrong last week was accentuated this week, with an entire system going down and preventing people from even getting into buildings for the entire day. Thankfully I only got some of the fallout at work, as some of the poor folks in the other offices we work closely with were trying to fix the problem until 1:00am Friday night and a good chunk of the weekend. My hat’s sincerely off to them for all the hard work they put in to even provide a temporary fix for an unequivocally catastrophic situation that developed and was far beyond anyone’s control.

For some reason my alarm clock says it’s 2:30am. It was definitely right when I left for work this morning and I haven’t touched it since.

It has not been a good past four days. Except Saturday night, which was spent with Tory (one of my favorite people in the history of the world), good ol’ Choop, McLocks (eventually), and a lovely young Scottish gal by the name of Naomi. Good times were had by all. Then I got home, went to sleep, and punched myself in the fucking face.

More later…

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  1. August 15, 2007 at 2:34 am

    Dude. Skunks = NO FUN AT ALL. I stayed trapped in my car once for I forget how many hours because my stupid nature-loving self wanted to watch a skunk amble across a field in the moonlight and then it disappeared under/behind my car and I didn’t want to get out and startle it. And just because it’s an undersized baby runt doesn’t mean it’s going to smell like baby powder.

    • August 15, 2007 at 4:51 am

      Fucking skunks and their natural defense mechanisms.

  2. August 15, 2007 at 4:11 am

    punched yourself? I just thought you had pink eye…

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