Home > Uncategorized > Ladies and Gentlemen, the Shit Has Hit the Fan

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Shit Has Hit the Fan

About a week ago, I cross-posted an entry from this very LJ to MySpace. In it, I indicated that I was listening to Arcade Fire’s “Neon Bible,” an album which I happen to enjoy quite a bit (though its replay value is not nearly what I anticipated it to be). My brother Jack, seeing this, said that it was a good thing my blog lists what I’m listening to at the end – otherwise he would’ve stopped reading right then and there.

You see, Jack lives in Brooklyn and works in Mahattan. Meaning, he has the unfortunate task of being exposed to obnoxious pseudo-hip posers on a daily basis. Were I in his position, I too would most likely hate The Arcade Fire. But I don’t, and this unnecessary attack wounded me deeply.

I responded the only way I know how. I informed him that sooner rather than later, I was going to give him a crack in the mouth, Deuce & Domino style.


SHA BA BA BA DOOOOO WOP, OOOOOO

A brief timeline of the events that have led us to this point:

———————–
June 17th, 2007: A Day That Will Live in Infamy.

(Jack comments on my profile)

“Im throwing the first cheapshot at the back of your head while you carry groceries in our first official family Myspace fight…. Fuck you you fuckin blog writing fucker… You only call when you want money!!!!

Your turn.”

———————–
June 18th, Early Morning Hours: The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself

(I comment on Jack’s profile)

“I retaliate by attacking you in the parking lot with my associates, Four Horsemen on Dusty Rhodes style. Then I buy Jill a new fur coat, just to piss you off.

You’ve been so focused on your fucking “artform” of jiu-jitsu that you’ve forgotten where you came from and what your family’s all about. You’ve forgotten what words and phrases like “Heights,” “Troycore,” and “South Troy Against the World” mean.

You can roll with all the martial artists you want, but all the blue mats in the world can’t compare to the concrete surrounding Building 2. You’ve forgotten that, Jack-a-feathers, and it’s my duty as your own flesh and blood to make you remember!

Study up and be prepared, because you’re about to be re-educated as to what it means to be True to Troy.”

———————–

June 18th, Afternoon: This Time, It’s Personal

(Jack comments)

“Whatever, i hope YOU had a good fathers day b/c mine sucked. I didnt even hear from my own brother!!! I really dont know where you get off.”

———————–

June 18th, Several Hours Later: Pandora’s Box Has Been Blown Open

(I comment)

“Man, whatever. Ever since you’ve moved down there, it’s like we don’t even exist to you anymore. You think you’re better than this family; acting like your shit don’t stink.

And then it’s always US that have to call YOU, and if we don’t then WE’RE to blame even though you have had plenty of opportunities to call US.

ONCE AGAIN, you’re just making yourself the victim and crying “oh woe is me.” It’s all for attention.

*does a run-in during your match at the Pan-Am games*”

———————–

How much further it escalates is anyone’s guess, though I’m warning everyone that it could get very ugly very quickly, barring some emergency mediation from Henry Kissinger.

R. Kelly can’t handle our MySpace Family Feud.

More later…

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Categories: Uncategorized Tags: ,
  1. June 19, 2007 at 11:28 pm

    This is the best thing ever.

    • June 20, 2007 at 2:12 pm

      What can I say? My siblings and I are all awesome.

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