Home > Uncategorized > NEVER FORGET 6/11 (RAW Report)

NEVER FORGET 6/11 (RAW Report)

Credit for the pun in the subject title goes to Justin Shapiro.

They blew up Vince McMahon and killed him off on television. But first, they had a draft.

I was on my way back from my meeting at 8, so I missed the first fifteen minutes or so.

* The show opened with Vince McMahon reading a “prepared statement” for “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night.” The angle is that since losing the ECW Title to Bobby Lashley, he’s been losing his mind and inching closer and closer towards dementia.

The format for the three-hour live “Draft Lottery” (where wrestlers from all three brands are put into a general lottery and could end up on any other brand) is that there are interpromotional matches, and the winning wrestler’s brand gets the next pick. All three commentary teams (for RAW, Smackdown, and ECW) are present for the event and were used at different points in the night.

* First up – John Cena (RAW) vs. Edge (Smackdown). Edge won by count-out. Again, didn’t see it, so can’t comment. The first pick for Smackdown: The Great Khali. As far as setting the tone for the evening, that was pretty anti-climatic. Which, unfortunately, was par for the course for this evening.

* One of many video package tributes aired for Mr. McMahon, which were all followed by WWE Hall of Famers (and other personalities) discussing Vince. First was Jesse “The Body” Ventura. He said that the only men he called “Mister” were his superiors in the NAVY Seals, and that Vince had done nothing close to what they had done to earn that title, so he’d just call him McMahon. Jesse’s hair, which he’s grown back out (and long) and dyed black, was sticking out of his baseball cap. It looks awful and just makes him look older than he actually is. I was talking to somebody about this recently, how there are older guys I know who stopped dying their hair and let their natural gray show, and as a result they’ve all looked young for their age as opposed to like an old dude trying to fool himself. Something to think about for any of you who are nearing the graying stage.

* Jonathan Coachman was outside Vince’s locker room and announced that for the first time ever, the upcoming Vengeance Pay-Per-View (two weeks – I could go on a rant about how there’s way too many PPV shows but I’ll spare you) would be a “Night of Champions.” In other words, every match would be a championship match. Yes, there are EIGHT CHAMPIONSHIPS in WWE. And yes, that means the fantastically awful Deuce & Domino will be on a live pay-per-view.


SHA BA BA BA DOO WOP, OOOOOOOO

Coach also announced that the main event of the PPV will be an “open invitational” where any current or former title-holder (any title apparently) can step forward and enter the match. What a potential clusterfuck that is (and not in a good way).

* Carlito (RAW) vs. C.M. Punk (ECW) for the second pick of the night. Punk went over clean, which was a shock. The match itself was alright, although Punk’s apeing of Japanese spots without the context (Japanese matches are very particular in that every single sequence – particularly in matches higher on the card – is planned out meticulously and means something) really doesn’t work as well with the WWE style. Carlito’s…well, Carlito. He’s at least trying a little harder now that they’ve turned him heel, which he’d been lobbying for (translation – whining to the agents like a spoiled kid) for months. ECW gets the next pick, and it’s The Boogeyman. God bless CM Punk, because he smiled like this is one of the greatest moments in ECW history. Boogey came out on the ramp to do his Boogeyman stuff.

I just want to note real quick that for the picks they did a “Press Your Luck” style graphic, complete with irritating beeps, showing wrestlers on all the brands. It was laughably irritating.

* “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night” continued with a message from Snoop Dogg. He mentioned that Steve Austin used to beat him up, and asked Vince if he remembers when DX shoved his face directly into Big Show’s ass. This was, of course, accompanied by footage of the event. Jesus, they’ll never let me forget that whole abomination of a feud, will they?

* Mick Foley came out for a promo. Thank God he didn’t have anything to plug, because boy, was that becoming old hat. He said that since he had been re-hired last Spring (he was?), he was technically a member of the RAW roster. And, as a former champion, that made him eligible for the WWE Championship Open Invitational. He then made it official and ran down Vince, noting all the folks who were invited to attend but declined. Quick note – not all of the names mentioned were invited, much less declined.

* Umaga (RAW) vs. Balls Mahoney (ECW) for the third pick. After the format of this show came out on Sunday, I wrote on a message board that I would hope they’d still be able to sustain some of the suspense of past drafts and not book matches where it’d be obvious from the start who was getting the next pick. The specific example I used was Randy Orton vs. Balls Mahoney. Well, it wasn’t Randy, but same idea anyway (and same job guy). Umaga destroyed Balls, and RAW got the next pick – King Booker. I marked out for this one, as Booker’s stuff as “King Booker” is over-the-top gold. This was the only pick that made sense or meant something – Booker’s one of those guys who while never pushed as dominant will always be viewed as a main-event threat, and RAW needs heels near the top of the card.

* Taped segment – Steve-O from “Jackass” spoke about Mr. McMahon’s legacy. They’re actually using Steve-O in the marketing for Summerslam, which will include putting him and other guys from “Jackass” in the main event. Terrible. Not only do you have a guy that has absolutely no respect for the business (as evidenced by the segment they did months back where Umaga attacked him and he completely no-sold it and laughed through the whole thing), but he’s not nearly enough of a star to warrant centering a marketing campaign for one of the biggest shows of the year around him. The “Jackass” guys also don’t have anything to promote, so using him at all is mystifying. Not to mention the fact that this is about eight years too late. I guess Roberto Benigni unavailable.

* Bobby Lashley (ECW – no, seriously) vs. Chris Benoit (Smackdown) for the fourth pick. Weird, purorific (Japanese style) match. They started off with a five-minute chain wrestling sequence that was excellent, though it’s one of those segments that you only do if the match itself is going in excess of fifteen or twenty minutes. Then, five minutes later, Lashley finished it with a powerslam. ECW got the next draft pick, and what a coincidence – it was Benoit himself. Really, it doesn’t matter, because ECW is going to be dead by the end of the year. I’d rather see him on RAW, but Benoit’s one of those guys who can do a match with anyone and make them look good. Hell, he made The Miz look competent a few weeks back. The guy’s a miracle worker. Bring on The Vampire.

* Donald Trump cut a promo on Vince live via satellite, saying that Vince is a sad man for giving himself an appreciation night. Trump said that the fans aren’t happy with him, and neither is he. It was basically the same promo he was cutting in the build-up to Wrestlemania.

* Ashley was live via satellite and talked about Mr. McMahon “suspending” her on Smackdown last Friday. I would’ve suspended her just for being such a huge poser. And, yes, they had pre-taped promos for “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night” featuring WWE Hall of Famers, A-List (arguable in some cases) celebrities…and Ashley. She brought up how a few years back, Mr. McMahon once made Trish Stratus bark like a dog and strip to her lingerie in the ring in order to keep her job. They played the clip, and I’d forgotten how horribly uncomfortable that segment was, with a weeping Trish (in chracter) trying to cover herself up as the crowd cheered wildly. It was one of those many, many moments that made me embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. She then said she had TWO divas to bark for Vince, and out came Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah. They came out in nightgowns, went to an area of the stage where a dog house and doggie dish was set up, got on their knees and barked. For, like, three minutes. Excruciating segment.

* They had yet another pre-taped interview for “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night,” this time featuring a double-whammy – Jimmy Snuka and The Iron Sheik. Snuka said he appreciated all the years working under Vince and his father, but didn’t understand why Vince was crazy. Sheik was up next. He ranted about Donald Trump and challenged Vince to a game of racketball or something. Not nearly as crazy as the videos you’ll see on the internet, though I’d love to see the outtakes.

* Match for the fifth pick in the draft: MVP (Smackdown) vs. Santino Morella (RAW). People got a little too hyped up on MVP during that series of matches with Benoit. He has improved quite a bit in the past six months, but not to the point where every time he goes out there it’s a guaranteed *** match. But boy, did he ever look fantastic compared to Morella, who is as green as a leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day. MVP won, which gave Smackdown the next pick: Torrie Wilson. After losing three guys, Smackdown gained Torrie Wilson, and JBL sold it like this was the biggest move of the night. JBL is a wonderful man.

* The next taped interview for “Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night” – Bret Hart. Time really does heal all wounds. Hart sarcastically expressed gratitude and then said one day he’d punch Vince in the face or something along those lines. Poor Bret looks really, really bad. He’ll never fully recover from that stroke.

* Match for the sixth pick in the draft: The Miz (Smackdown) vs. Gene Snitsky (ECW). Snitsky completely destroyed Miz, but then kept attacking him after he won the match. This resulted in the ref overturning the decision, which gave Miz the win and Smackdown the next draft pick. For those wondering, WWE is trying to re-educate the fanbase by having refs “enforce the rules” more. Not surprisingly, this is because the decision came down from on high that WWE referees should be “like the UFC refs.” Smackdown’s draft pick: Chris Masters. Good Lord, what an awful draft.

* Bobby “The Brain” Heenan gave his thoughts on Vince McMahon. He made fun of Vince’s strut.

* Roddy Piper showed up in the arena live to cut a promo. He introduced some clips of DX terrorizing Vince, Steve Austin attacking Vince, and Vince getting his head shaved. He said something else, but I don’t remember what it was. The segment was pretty disappointing considering it’s Piper.

* Mark Cuban put over Vince as a winner and a great business man. I honestly couldn’t tell if he was being sincere or trying to play heel. Then again, that’s Mark Cuban for you.

* Match for the seventh pick in the draft: Candice Michelle (RAW) vs. Kristal (Smackdown). Candice Michelle won in a match that wasn’t great, but was better than it had any right to be. Michelle is the next Trish Stratus. Now, there’s a chance she’ll never get as good as Trish got, but she’s similar in that she came in with no training, decided one day she cared about her job, and has since been improving by leaps and bounds. RAW got the next pick: Bobby Lashley. Holy Christ! ECW Champion Bobby Lashley is going to be competing on RAW from now on! If I had told you two weeks ago that we could see Bobby Lashley taking on such RAW superstars as Viscera and Umaga, you would’ve definitely said “yeah, I saw last week’s episode.” Jonathan Coachman came out and announced that since Bobby Lashley was now on the RAW roster, he had to vacate the ECW Title. OH NOES~! Lashley had some threatening words for Coach, and said that although he was being stripped of a title, he was still a champion and he’d prove it on RAW. Nobody takes Lashley seriously when he’s on the mic.

* Bob Costas is live via satellite to discuss Vince. He claims that he approached Vince for the job that Gene Okerlund got, and thanked him for his rejection, because he had to “settle” for NBC and The Olympics. By this point, there had been way too many segments done in this matter (sarcastic and condescending praise) to where even a star the level of Costas doing it was beating a dead horse. He did mention their HBO interview, though it was only a brief mention and they didn’t show an extended clip. What a shame.

* They had a triple threat match for the eighth pick: Jeff Hardy (RAW) vs. Elijah Burke (ECW) vs. Batista (Smackdown). Elijah Burke is so charismatic and has so much potential it’s ridiculous. The He-Man Woman Hater and overall dumb jock Batista won, and in the process nearly crippled Elijah Burke (who he must outweight by a good 70 pounds) by botching a Batista Bomb and dropping him semi-vertical. Smackdown’s draft pick: Ric Flair. Batista looked as happy as a little girl, and the Smackdown announce team brings up Flair and Batista’s past as mentor and student (without specifically mentioning Evolution). Flair at this point isn’t going to set any show on fire (though amazingly he still could if left to his own devices). However, it does benefit the Smackdown/ECW side in that there’s a lot of younger guys in that crew that could learn a lot just from being around him.

* Captain Lou Albano joked about Vince. He was far more toned down than we’re accustomed to. Like, you can actually understand him. He then slipped back into character and talked about himself briefly. Albano actually looks really good for his age and seems to be in better health than the last time I saw him. Granted, we only saw him from the chest up, but still.

* Dusty Rhodes came out next and cut the best promo on WWE TV since that last great Ric Flair promo several months back. He did a semi-shoot where he talked about all the families and promoters throughout the country that Vince put out of business, how Vince killed the territorial system, and how he didn’t care what he did en route to making WWE what it is today. He said that you may not agree with how Vince did things, and you may not agree with his vision – Dusty sure doesn’t – but one thing you have to do is respect what he’s accomplished regardless of the methods used. Crowd was confused, but it was so genuine that it didn’t matter. You often hear and see people say and write about how promos being fully scripted is such a bad thing and that nobody in the industry right now can hold a candle to the best promo guys of the eighties. It’s one of those things that you see or hear so often that it loses its effect, but during moments like this, it’s so apparent that there couldn’t be any more truth in that statement.

* Gene Okerlund talked about his relationship with Vince. He said he was fired by Vince, but got a pretty good job out of it, and they cut to him in front of the Nitro set. That was funny. He then said Vince is “simply the best.” Unfortunately, he did not go any further in quoting Tina Turner lyrics.

* The last match of the evening was a 15-man Battle Royal for the final two picks in the draft. The participants were Smackdown: Matt Hardy, William Regal, Chavo Guerrero, Mark Henry, and Chris Masters; ECW: Kevin Thorn (The Vampire The Guy Who Lives The Vampire Lifestyle), Matt Striker (The Teacher), The Marquis Von Cor (Marcus Cor Von), Captain Crybaby Tommy Dreamer, and The Sandman; RAW: Johnny Nitro, Kenny Dykstra, Viscera, Eugene, and Randy Orton. Looking at those names, it’s pretty obvious there’s two guys that would be booked to win this. They (Matt Hardy and Randy Orton) ending up being the last two remaining, and Orton won. First RAW pick: Gene Snitsky. What a way to cap off this Tri-Brand Extravaganza! But we also had one more pick: Mr. Kennedy. He got a big reaction, but boy, what a waste to have that big angle with Edge weeks ago and not keep him on Smackdown for the sort of program that could make him into a star. That’s that for the worst Draft ever.

But oh, we’re far from done.

* Steve Austin went on a profanity-laden tirade about McMahon in a taped segment.

Mr. McMahon made his way out to the ring, staring off into space like he had alzheimer’s and had no idea what he was doing in an arena. He went into the ring, picked up a mic, said nothing, dropped it, and walked off. They did a long segment where the camera followed him all the way to the back. He walked through the lockerroom and every wrestler employed by WWE who didn’t make an appearance on the show had a cameo, watching Vince as he walked around in a daze. This, of course, included Duece & Domino.


SHA BA BA BA DOO WOP, OOOOOOOO

So Vince started walking in one direction, at which point Coach ran up to him and noted he was going the wrong way and his limousine was waiting for him in the opposite direction. He turned around and we got some more slow walking. The last two guys seen inside the building were Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson, in a moment where I truly marked out and first suspected that something major was going down. Brisco had coffee for Vince. I’d completely forgotten about it, but bpdermody noted that this was referencing that old running gag of Brisco constantly being asked to get Vince coffee and never delivering it. After all these years, Gerald Brisco finally gave Vince McMahon his coffee. *single tear* Vince walked outside and stared off into space for what seemed like an eternity.

Then…the unthinkable happened.

Vince McMahon walked towards his limo slowly. He went to open the door, stopped, and glanced around wistfully. Then he opened the door, slowly got in, and the limousine exploded with him inside. No commentary during any of this, and we get an extended shot of the limousine completely engulfed in flames. WWE.com, minutes later, posted the headline “Mr. McMahon Presumed Dead.”

End of RAW.

==========================================

I’ve been closely examining the pictures, and it’s very clear that there are two explosions that were set off. Mind you, SET OFF. This was NOT an accident, and two explosions indicate the involvement of a tag team. This was not the work of TNA, or any other outside terrorist company.

Please see the following image for further scientific proof:

If you’re still not convinced, keep an eye out for a YouTube video with quotes from experts and eerie music.

Don’t believe the mainstream media! IT WAS AN INSIDE JOB!

And how far does the rabbit hole go? Take out a twenty dollar bill, follow the visual aides, and see for yourself:

COINCIDENCE??? YOU DECIDE!!!!!!!

MrMcMahonTruth.org

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  1. June 13, 2007 at 4:03 am

    Good point. Since it was a tag team… let’s look at the evidence.

    These guys suck.

    Let’s just blame them and get the hell out of here.

    • June 13, 2007 at 4:10 am

      Don’t be hating on them just because they’re drag racing on Summer nights their Chevy on Thunder road, and hang around picking fights outside the picture show.

  2. June 13, 2007 at 2:46 pm

    I just burst out laughing. You win.

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