Home > Uncategorized > To Sir With Guns, We Need More Slow Hands, TNA Sacrifice, Tiger Mask Blows, and More

To Sir With Guns, We Need More Slow Hands, TNA Sacrifice, Tiger Mask Blows, and More

Staff members stage fake gun attack on sixth-graders.

So they staged this fake gun attack, and insisted to the children this was NOT a drill, which resulted in kids (6th GRADERS) cowering in fear and crying. Supposedly this was their idea of an effective drill and opening discussion about the issue.

It’s important to note that it’s staff members, plural. As in, there was one person who had this really terrible idea, and there was at least one other person who said “you know, that’s a great idea. Let’s do this!” Unbelievable.

There wasn’t much else to write about this weekend. I did a lot (and I mean a LOT) of walking on Saturday afternoon and Saturday night, although unfortunately I fell off the “healthy eating bandwagon” when I ordered Chinese. Steamed dumplings, white rice, and vegetable lo mein. I spread the food out over two days, but still, goo.

I’ve been listening to Conway Twitty’s “Slow Hand,” and it occurred to me that there aren’t any guys left who are just that fucking smooth. Twitty would just stand there in his leisure suit with his white-boy afro and croon about the speed of his touch, and women would go apeshit. You don’t see that sort of artful subtlety in musical performances anymore, and it saddens me a great deal.

LeVanna and I seem to attract a higher number of mentally ill suitors than the average person. Discuss.

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I ordered TNA’s “Sacrifice” pay-per-view tonight for shits and giggles. Steve came over to watch with me. Ed was invited, but declined, saying he didn’t know if he “had the motivation to shit and giggle.” That, to me, sounded like a cry for help. I offered to hook him up with a therapist that would put him on anti-depression meds.

By the way, Ed had another awkward IM to me on Saturday night, when he wrote: “Alright, there’s 5 people at my place. I have no idea what’s happening from here.” The context was that I was contemplating hanging out that night, but still, how fucking ominous is that?

As for the pay-per-view itself? As shitty as TNA has been the past five or six months (particularly the build-up for this show), it was actually an above-average pay-per-view. The three-way opener was great, Roode/Jarrett was better than it had any right to be, and the James Storm vs. Chris Harris Texas Death Match was fucking fantastic. The only down points were the 2-on-1 handicap match with Doug Basham and Damaja beating Billy Gunn (Gunn’s such a heat vaccuum it’s almost amusing) and some of the post-match booking. The stuff about the booking should come as no surprise.

By the way, I’m sure everyone who had never seen Tiger Mask IV wrestle before was real fucking excited to see him, but trust me when I tell you that he’s never better than he was tonight. What a lazy, overrated piece of shit. And he didn’t even come out to the “Boys Be a Tiger” theme.

By the way, he dropped the NWA Jr. Heavyweight Title to Mike Quackenbush at the Fight Sports Mid-West show this past weekend, in case anybody was wondering why he came out with no title. I’m guessing this is the NWA reigning the title back in since they’re also taking back the World Heavyweight and Tag Titles – the current titles in TNA are going to be renamed the “TNA World Heavyweight Title” and the “TNA World Tag Team Championships.” I’m assuming that’s the reason for the title change, anyway, as I can’t see New Japan bringing in Mike Quackenbush. On the other hand, I’m surprised the NWA would give a shit, as they have other titles floating around Japan and Mexico that they’re in no rush to get back, and don’t even really acknowledge. The possibility also exists that they’re just doing this as a temporary thing, and the title’s going back on Tiger Mask once his tour of the U.S. is done at the end of the month. Whatever. Long story short: Tiger Mask IV is fucking worthless.

More later…

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