Home > Uncategorized > AN UPDATE, JUST CUZ: 25 Pounds, Dale Jr., Bullshitty News, Northern Ireland, Ferguson Qualifies

AN UPDATE, JUST CUZ: 25 Pounds, Dale Jr., Bullshitty News, Northern Ireland, Ferguson Qualifies

Whoa, I haven’t updated this thing in, like, days! I’m surprised somebody didn’t report me as a missing person to the Internet Police. Or would they be “teh PWNlice”? Idunno. Screw it.

I’ve somehow (by “somehow” I mean getting some semblance of exercise [eg. jogging] and eating much healthier) managed to drop 25 pounds over the course of the past six weeks. It was fully intentional on my part, but didn’t think I was losing anything until my sister pointed out that I look thinner (still don’t see it) and demanded I weigh myself. Lo and behold, lightest I’ve been in years. Still pretty heavy, though after the move I’m going to start taking advantage of the free gym membership I get through work.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is leaving DEI. Normally I don’t care all that much about the happenings in NASCAR, and certainly not to the extent where I’d actually write something about it. This story has me intrigued, however, if only because as odd as it sounds, Dale Jr. might possibly be the biggest free agent in sports over the past ten years. Not only because of his value as a driver, but as a celebrity and as, realistically, the public face his entire sport.

Okay, I’m really only mentioning it so I can bust out the LJ icon that accompanies this entry.

Today it occured to me that ever since Anna Nicole Smith’s death, the stories getting top coverage in the mainstream media have been more bullshitty than usual. Don’t get me wrong, the mainstream media has always been guilty of foregoing important world events for cheeky stories and/or celebrity gossip, but it just seems worse as of late. For example – I went to MSNBC.com this morning, and the top story was two douchebags breaking out into a fight at the Boston Pops. Seriously. Meanwhile – and maybe I just missed it – but the only coverage I saw of the establishment of a power-sharing government in a newly-independent Northern Ireland was on the BBC World News that aired on PBS a couple days ago.

I mean, even if you’re going for the “odd” bit of news, nothing is more surreal than Tony Blair being sandwiched by Rev. Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness, all while “You Raise Me Up” plays and is interpreted by two kids with Down Syndrome doing the “Happy Hands” bullshit.

WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN BUT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED:
[Rev. Ian Paisley looks at the children with Down Syndrome doing the “Happy Hands” bullshit to that damn song.]
Paisley: “Oy, Martin, I see ye brought the Catholic members of the Cabinet with ye!”
McGuinness: “YA FOOKIN’ BASTARD!”
[Fists fly, peace shatters]

One last thing – a video of Craig Ferguson.

My only exposure to Ferguson has been through the YouTube videos of his monologues for “The Late Late Show.” Though I felt he always had fantastic delivery, I always felt his material…well, just wasn’t funny. Certainly not his fault, since he has a writing staff and all, but I diguress.

In the following video, Ferguson does something particularly brilliant. You see, Ferguson’s a recovering alcoholic, and he launches into this entire monologue explaining why he wasn’t making jokes about Britney Spears, including telling tales of his own road to sobriety. What’s brilliant about it is that he presents it as a riff on the dehumanization of celebrity culture. In actuality, any recovering alcoholic will tell you exactly what he was doing – he was qualifying, as if he were chairing an AA meeting and his audience were these folks he mentions that go to the shittiest of celebrity rehabs (“20 Days and You’re Okays!”) and are shocked when they relapse almost immediately.

So here it is, via our friends(?) at YouTube.

A few of the stories he tells hit a little close to home, which is probably why I find it so interesting. But, hey, maybe you will too. Not bad for a dirty, filthy Scot. IRE~!

More later…

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  1. May 10, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    I mean, even if you’re going for the “odd” bit of news, nothing is more surreal than Tony Blair being sandwiched by Rev. Ian Paisley and Martin McGuinness, all while “You Raise Me Up” plays and is interpreted by two kids with Down Syndrome doing the “Happy Hands” bullshit.

    WHAT DIDN’T HAPPEN BUT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED:
    [Rev. Ian Paisley looks at the children with Down Syndrome doing the “Happy Hands” bullshit to that damn song.]
    Paisley: “Oy, Martin, I see ye brought the Catholic members of the Cabinet with ye!”
    McGuinness: “YA FOOKIN’ BASTARD!”
    [Fists fly, peace shatters]

    I would very much like to metaquote you now!

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