I saw “The 300” yesterday with Maeve. It…was what it was, and I liked it. I’m glad I made a conscious effort to completely disregard any and all “wowie wow wow” hype about it (which I unfortunately didn’t do before which resulted in me PANNING “Pan’s Labyrinth” – GET IT?!).

In lieu of an actual review, I’ll just do bulletin points because I’m feeling particularly lazy this afternoon.

Disclaimers:
* If you haven’t seen this movie yet, you absolutely have to just shut your mind off. Now, a disclaimer to that disclaimer – most of the time you’ll hear that as a defense for some truly stupid stuff, but there’s only so much you can ask of me. If there’s something in a movie that’s so awful and bad that it insults my intelligence, I can’t help but go “what the fuck.” BUT, seeing as how it’s a fantasy film, I’m able to take it as face value. The basic gist is that you can’t over-analyze the film too much while you’re watching it. Got it? Good.
* Somewhat related – it’s a fantasy film. I don’t want to hear “well in the REAL battle” or “they should’ve just made a movie about the REAL battle.” Nobody’s put on any pretenses about this being historical in nature, so bitching about the fact that it’s not historically accurate or is “over the top” is somewhat moot. It’s real easy to fuck up a historical epic, so while one about the story of the 300 might be good, it might also have been atrocious.

Positives:
* The film made much more of an attempt to humanize the characters than Miller did in the graphic novel.
* Some of the visuals were fantastic.
* It was paced very, very well, balancing frantic battle scenes with a lull period that was put in just the right place to calm the audience down before the climax.
* The Great Zombie Khali was hilarious.
* They got you to cheer for the Spartans.
* There were guys dressed in The Great Muta’s entrance attire that threw firecrackers at the Spartans.
* Ridiculousness. This could easily have been a negative, but the way they did it was great. There’s about five to ten minutes straight where it’s almost as if the director said “let’s make this progressively ludicrous,” and it made me laugh. Then…it just stopped. It didn’t get to the point of ridiculous where I wrote off the rest of the movie, it peaked at just the right moment, then calmed down. It amused me, and therefore it worked (whether that was their intention or not is inconsequential).
* The last ten minutes were fantastic.
* They used Dilios
* Xerxes looked FABULOOOOOOUS.

Negatives:
* Too…much..slow…motion. It’s really cheap and, in some scenes, it was wholly unnecessary. Good tip for slow motion – if you’re going to be using it numerous times throughout the course of the movie, no more than a minute at a time. And for Christ’s sake, if a character (Queen Gorgo) is simply walking twenty feet to talk to someone, IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE IN SLOW MOTION.
* For as much as they improved on the graphic novel, it still didn’t emote very well.
* While the visuals were great, they weren’t awe-inspiring enough to distract you from the fact that at times the dialogue was a total afterthought.
* Rubber torsos.

So yeah, I liked it! Especially the Mutas throwing firecrackers. I giggled, partly because the scene was ridiculous, but also because I envisioned one of them tearing off the headgear, misting a Spartan, and hitting him with a Shining Wizard that made his head explode. Oh man, in my head it was SO sweet! Of course I just told Maeve that I laughed because it was ridiculous, because she’d have no point of reference for all the Muta talk and would’ve looked at me like I had three heads

More later…

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  1. March 26, 2007 at 11:52 pm

    under the positives I read that as “they used Dildos”

    YAY4BEEINMATURE!!!!

    • March 27, 2007 at 12:18 am

      Don’t worry, I did too. 🙂

    • March 27, 2007 at 12:59 am

      Jesus, they might as well have. It was SOOOO for gay guys.

  2. March 27, 2007 at 12:19 am

    MR. T!!!

    http://spearupyourass.ytmnd.com/

    S’all I got to say on the matter.

    • March 27, 2007 at 12:58 am

      Re: MR. T!!!

      Oh my God, that wasn’t Mr. T but it SOOOOO was.

  3. March 28, 2007 at 1:55 am

    Have you seen Gymkata? That movie wins on ridiculous slow motion scene-age.

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