Home > Uncategorized > The New Wave of the American Spirit

The New Wave of the American Spirit

In a reply on MySpace to the previous post, Steve linked to the following capture which epitomizes just how silly the decision to kill off Cap really is (click here).

Granted, it’s out of context, but the message is clear – at some point in time, Marvel came to the conclusion that the character of Captain America simply could not relate to those things that make America the land of the free and home of the brave in the 21st Century.

With his death hanging a large shadow over the entire Marvel Universe, several new characters will be introduced that hope to fill in the void left by his assasination. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Marvel’s new representatives of the American spirit.


Major MySpace
w/ Social Network Stallion

Enemies of America, take notice. Stepping in to fill the void left by Cap’s presence is Major MySpace, with his trusted steed Social Network Stallion. Galloping from profile to profile in search of the next great menace to American sensibilities, Major MySpace thwarts the competition with increased speed, agility, and by friending the girlfriends of villains and posting comments to their pictures (“damn girl u r lookin FINE”). Beware his PMs in the name of good and pictures-of-self-holding-camera-in-mirror of justice! And remember kids, should you see villainy occurring in your Friends List, be sure to report them to Major MySpace!


American I-Doll
Despondent after being eliminated in the semi-finals of Season 4 of “American Idol” for being too short to be marketable to the mainstream public, Scott Romero volunteered to be injected by the same super solider serum that created Captain America. The result – American I-Doll! Don’t let his short stature (4’6″) fool you – he can kick some ass, sing a mean tune, AND he’s still taller than Jermaine Dupri!


HGHulk
After stumbling into the same lab that turned scientist Bruce Banner into a rampaging monster, New York Yankees outfielder Gary Sheffield was bombarded with gamma radiation and became the unstoppable HGHulk. When made angry HGHulk gains the strength of a thousand men, the ability to leap great distances, and has an On-Base Percentage of .864. Look out American League – HGHulk MAD!!!


The NASCARthaginian
* thanks to Hollywood Actor Steve Henel for name suggestion *
While escavating ruins in an ancient city, archaeologist and avid NASCAR fan Dale E. Simmons finds an echanted checkered flag that imbeds him with the spirits of deceased ancient warriors, giving him all their knowledge and abilities. Now known as The NASCARthaginian, he looks to raise the caution flag on villains from coast to coast while in never-ending pursuit of the mythical Nextel Cup, said to have the power to bring anyone back to life. His goal – to bring Dale Earnhardt back from the dead so he can lecture him on the importance of defensive driving.


YouTuBella
YouTuBella is a mystery. Her secret identity is so secret that only she knows it – even good friends only know her by her YouTube account name, because her only friends are those willing to sit through her charisma-less videos. While she has the ability of flight and control of the elements, YouTuBella more often than not will opt out of a fight and instead record a painfully boring video blog complaining about others and disapproving of their actions. Leader of the mighty superteam The YouTubers, who attempt to stamp out injustice while taping re-enactments of things they see on Comedy Central and MTV, YouTuBella can best be summed up by saying “it’s a good thing she looks half decent.”

* Characters created in about five minutes using UGO’s Superhero Generator

More later…

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