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Oscar Review

…of my favorite part of the evening, The Annual Parade of Clips of People Who Died.

SADDEST: James Doohan. He was the only one where I audibly said “aww…” and got a little sad. I was really glad they didn’t omit him, but the audience didn’t clap enough. Fuckers. Especially fuck YOU, Jack Nicholson. I know you weren’t clapping. And as a sidenote, with a shaved head and your ever-increasing girth you look like King Kong Bundy.
FORGOT S/HE DIED: Bruno Kirby.
REALLY? S/HE DIED?: Jack Palance. I thought he died two years ago.
MOST POPULAR CORPSE: Robert Altman.
MOST GLARING OMISSION: Anna Nicole Smith. C’mon, she was in “Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult”! You heartless fucks. It’s probably because half the Academy is preparing press releases claiming to be the father of her child.

Other thoughts on the Oscars:
– I didn’t even bother tuning in until 10:00pm. This ceremony gets worse every year.
– If Ennio Morricone hand-picked Celine Dion to perform the debut of his new piece, then he’s got alzheimer’s. Or gone deaf, like Beethoven.
– Jerry Seinfeld did an AWESOME AWESOME job of putting himself over at the expense of the award he was presenting. There’s a difference between trying to salvage a droll event (Chris Rock hosting last year) and being an egomaniac. What a dick.
– Best Original Score – first nominee shown (the guy who won it) for “Babel” – the song that was playing? Was a fairly prominent part of the “Deadwood” score from its very first season. Original? In the words of Maeve, “bum bum ba dum, WAAAAAAAAAH.”
– I know I should be touched when Jennifer Hudson won Best Support Actress (for “Dreamgirls”) and said “look what God can do!”, but the first thing I pictured when she said that was God juggling and it made me giggle.
– Speaking of that award, I walked in after the introduction and after the first two clips of nominees were shown thought they created an award for “Most Ridiculous Smearing of Mascara.”
– If “The Departed” wins, I’m going to go on a rant like nobody’s business, or just post something tomorrow that simply says “ew.” Probably the latter.
– And as I type that previous sentence, Scorcese finally wins Best Director for the absolute worst fucking film he’s ever done. That’s it, I’m done.

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  1. February 26, 2007 at 5:34 am

    I really want an irreverent awards show, like the MTV awards were a billion years ago, to play the Jim Carroll Band’s “People Who Died” over the memoriam.

    • February 27, 2007 at 3:42 am

      God that’d be awesome. And if I had video editing software, I would totally do that myself.

  2. February 26, 2007 at 6:54 am

    Remember when Denzel won for Training Day, instead of Malcolm X or The Hurricaine? I think The Departed is Scorcese’s “Training Day”. He’s deserved the award for ages now and the academy knows it. This is them eating crow, or mea culpa-ing or whatever.

    • February 26, 2007 at 6:56 am

      I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but that may be just the way it is. The awards are just as much (if not more) about industry politics as they are about artistic “integrity”.

      Hollyweird. Go fig.

      • February 26, 2007 at 1:16 pm

        I’m well aware of why he was given the award. What pisses me off is that he was given the award for the same schlock that he lost out to with his best work. Sort of a hollow victory, if you ask me, but whatever.

      • February 26, 2007 at 2:36 pm

        Though that may be the same kind of thing that gave Alan Arkin his Oscar. I still say he was robbed for Supporting Actor for “So I Married an Axe Murderer”.

        “Somebody needs a hug!”

  3. February 26, 2007 at 1:44 pm

    Anna Nicole missed the deadline to be in this year’s reel. I’m sure we can start a grassroots campaign to include her in next year’s.

    And why didn’t Al Gore announce his candidacy for the President?!?!

    • February 26, 2007 at 3:40 pm

      Because he is too smart to want that job. It’s a thankless task where he would get nothing done.

      I’m sure the tens of thousands of blown-up Iraqi’s would disagree, but for Al Gore the best thing that ever happened to him was having that election robbed from him. He became a political martyr to half the country, and instead of having to spend the vast majority of his term dealing with 9/11 (which was happening no matter who was in charge), he has been free to work on the issues that mean the most to him, and is now mot likely far more respected, admired, and believed than he ever would be had he been in the Oval Office this whole time. Sucks for us, but probably good for him.

      On an Oscar note, sure he’s a bit of a dick for stepping all over the documentary awards, but really, is it a rule that the only documentaries that win are the most depressing things on earth? Making a documentary about AIDS is as much of an Oscar magnet as an actor playing someone with a mental/physical illness of some sort.

      • February 26, 2007 at 5:09 pm

        I agree with that point to some extent, especially when it comes to best actor – my friend Maeve asked when Leo was going to win an Academy Award, and I only half-jokingly informed her it ain’t gonna happen until he plays a gay guy or a retard (again). That’s not what I took offense to, it was that he started in with his stand-up routine “WHAT IS IT WITH…” and my immediate response was a roll of the eyes and “Jesus Christ, here we go.” Not to mention it lengthens an already lengthy show to just go on a five-minute rant about garbage at a fucking theater.

      • February 26, 2007 at 5:26 pm

        Oh I grant you that part about Seinfeld. I was waiting for something about airline food to pop up in his little routine at some point.

    • February 26, 2007 at 4:01 pm

      I don’t do this too often, but here’s a Kevin Marshall guarantee – Al Gore will NOT RUN for President.

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