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Friday Links

All he did was say to his wife “this piece of halibut is good enough for Jehova.”

Why are Dutch children so happy? I would’ve guessed it was all the singing and clog dancing.

Old Man Pippen to Bulls: “I wanna play for some reason.” Jesus, it seems like he’s been retired longer than three years.

Ricky Martin, fucking queen that he is and starved for attention, sticks up his middle finger while mentioning Bush’s name in San Juan. It rings a little hollow when the line’s about how you performed at his freaking inaugural and danced with him, but you know, Bush is a total trickster and NOBODY knew his personal politics or beliefs in 2000. Nobody AT ALL. NOT ONE PERSON.

“My convictions of peace and life go beyond any government and political agenda and as long as I have a voice onstage and offstage, I will always condemn war and those who promulgate it,” Martin said about his action in an e-mail statement sent to The Associated Press via a spokesman.

You know what time it is, kids. Time for me to bust out the REAL-SPEAK TRANSMORGIFIER!

*shoves previous statement into RST*
CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA RUMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLE HISSSSSSsssssss
OUTPUT:

“I wish I was the Dixie Chicks,” Martin said about his action in an e-mail statement to The Associated Press via a spokesman.

Yeah, he sure does wish he was a Dixie Chick. In more ways than one.

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  1. February 16, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    Only one little clarification. Pippen didn’t really direct his statement to the Bulls, but the NBA in general. In fact, both sides pretty much made clear he’s not coming back to the Bulls barring something major changing.

    It sounds like he has his head on straight about it. He figures he can come back, play 10-15 minutes a night and bring some veteran leadership to a team. Look around at other 12th men on teams, and tell me that even a 41-year old Pippen isn’t an improvement if he’s healthy.

    As for the Ricky Martin thing…I ROFL’ed. Which scared my co-workers who thought I might be having a seizure or something.

  2. February 16, 2007 at 8:21 pm

    Pippen might be a good back up for Steve Nash!

  3. February 17, 2007 at 12:22 am

    Ricky Martin has a way sweeter ass than Natalie Maines. I’d hit that if I were in prison.

  4. February 17, 2007 at 6:47 am

    Tony Orlando. JUST Tony Orlando? WHERE’S THE DAWN?!?!?

    The Dawn never gets the proper amount of love…

    • February 17, 2007 at 5:49 pm

      The Dawn doesn’t deserve that much love! Don’t get me wrong, now: Dawn gets love from me. But TONY ORLANDO~!

  5. February 17, 2007 at 8:54 pm

    JEHO-VAH JEHO-VAH JEHO-VAH!

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