Home > Uncategorized > 2nd Annual Marshall Pro Wrestling Awards – Part 1

2nd Annual Marshall Pro Wrestling Awards – Part 1

2nd Annual Marshall Pro Wrestling Awards
Part 1: AUXILIARY AWARDS

BEST MOMENT
Edge cashes in his “Money in the Bank” and wins the WWE Championship from John Cena at New Year’s Revolution (WWE)

* Though it was in Albany, I opted not to go. According to people I know who went, though, the reaction was off the charts.

BEST REASON TO RETIRE
Kurt Angle’s Baby Arm (WWE/TNA)

* It seems to get smaller every time I look at it. Kurt, you’re awesome, but please retire.

MOST OBNOXIOUS FANS
TNA

* They will pop for ANYTHING, and they all look like they have learning disorders. Don’t believe me? Watch the next Impact and take a close look at them. Learning disorders, the whole lot of ’em. Seriously.

ASS SPLINTER AWARD FOR BEST FIRING
Marty Jannetty (WWE)

* After already setting a record for being fired the most times by WWE, Marty topped himself by getting canned not once but TWICE in 2006. A tribute video should be made of him with bonewahs and blooper sounds throughout.

WORST BIG-FOOTING
Cena/Edge feud ends with HHH completely dominating Edge after a six-man main on RAW while Cena stands around looking confused (WWE RAW)

* Cena/Edge were just coming off a huge feud that up until that point had encompassed the entirety of the year. So what does HHH do after one of the matches? Attacks Edge, puts him in a pedigree, and stands over him triumphantly. Meanwhile the WWE Champion, for whom the company had spent 20 months throwing anything and everything at to get over as their franchise guy, just stands around watching. That HHH, what a pro.

BEST BUMPER
Paul London (WWE Smackdown)

* The guy can take a back body drop and make you cringe.

WORST MIC SKILLS
Mike Mizanin [“Mike the Miz”] (WWE Smackdown)

* The only thing more frustrating than a guy who’s awful on the mic getting extensive mic time is a guy who’s awful on the mic getting extensive mic time who thinks he’s INCREDIBLE on the mic. He’s so awful and annoying that they were forced to turn him heel, but somehow that doesn’t make it any better.

“HA HA, FUCK YOU” AWARD
C.M. Punk gets much bigger reaction than DX (WWE Survivor Series)

* Half the people I watched this with laughed derisively, and the other half just went “wow.” Sure, it was in Philly, but we still got to see HHH get embarrassed at one of the major WWE pay-per-views. That has to be worth something, right?

WORST MATCH
Booker T vs. The Boogeyman at Wrestlemania (WWE Smackdown)

* This match seemed like it was thirty minutes longer than it actually was. Even kept short it was still mind-numbingly atrocious. God bless Marty Wright – he puts everything into that Boogeyman character and makes it ridiculously entertaining, but he’s completely lost in the ring.

A.P.B. AWARD
Elix Skipper (TNA)

* In 2006, Skipper completely dropped off the face of the planet after being one of the more underutilized and underrated guys in TNA. He’s got skills and charisma coming out of his ears. Where is he?

“MUTUAL TERMS FOR RELEASE” WATCH FOR 2007
Gene Snitsky (WWE RAW)

* His cult status as Mr. “It Wasn’t My Fault” is done, and he’s been staring up at the arena lights for the better part of the year. He’s gotta get canned at some point next year.

MOST RIDICULOUS ENTRANCE
John Cena’s spaceship that shoots out confetti when he stomps on stuff at the Royal Rumble

* Seriously, what the fuck WAS that?

MOST RACIST GIMMICK
Cryme Tyme (WWE RAW)

* This gimmick and the skits that they had Shad and JTG perform were so racist that Amos and Andy jumped out of their graves and yelled out “Wow, this shit’s embarrassing!” I’m still shocked that the NAACP didn’t kick up a fuss when the two sang “Silent Night, Holy Night/ We be robbin’ all the whites.” Hell, I was disgusted and I’m not even African-American. WWE’s response to the criticism? To have Charlie Haas act offended and then have the announcers make fun of him and basically say he has no right to be offended by the blatant racism because he’s not black. Way to have the finger on the pulse of American Society, WWE.

BEST BITING OF THE ASS AWARD
Shark Boy

* His biting of the ass is a thing of beauty.

ULTRA-SMARKY TREND OF THE YEAR
Hating on C.M. Punk

* Smarks always have a tendency to become annoying, but certainly THE most annoying smark trend came from the Uber-Smarks on internet message boards who decided that too many people liked C.M. Punk and as a result started blasting him and talking about how incredibly overrated he was. The people who say this almost uniformally admit to not seeing any of his ROH work (in particular his matches with Samoa Joe), and in some cases are also the same ones who slam ROH if they see a number of people praising an event, even if the one blasting ROH doesn’t own a single DVD of the promotion. So yes, C.M. Punk is judged to be not that good, despite the fact that the only exposure they’ve had to him thus far are on television matches that don’t go north of 6 minutes and are limited by the same WWE style everyone complains about. Makes sense.

BEST THEME MUSIC (IN HOUSE)
Umaga’s theme (WWE)

* There’s just something about those chants that kick in around the 30 to 45 second mark that I find incredibly awesome.

BEST THEME MUSIC (LIFTED)
“American Dragon” Bryan Danielson – “The Final Countdown” by Europe

* We’re heading for Venus (but not Val Venis).

WORST THEME MUSIC
Rated RKO

* If the ATF had blared this mix of Randy Orton and Edge’s theme music over the loudspeakers, the Branch Davidians probably would have surrendered peacefully.

WORST TATTOO
Shane Hagadorn

* Nothing says “think it through” like Shane Hagadorn’s tattoo, which is an atrocious-looking ugly circular tribal thing slapped onto his upper back. Professional Wrestling is chock full of bad tattoos, so for one to really make people go “wow, that’s an awful tattoo,” it has to be pretty bad. And his is BAD.

If you’ve got any others, feel free to post ’em.

Part 2 (of 3) tomorrow. Get those votes in by tonight if you haven’t already.

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  1. December 29, 2006 at 1:42 am

    Best Gimmick: Eric Young
    Von Erich Award: Batista
    Ric Flair Award: Edge
    Next Big Thing: Mr. Kennedy
    Comeback Of The Year: Fit Finlay
    Most Improved: Delirious
    Sid Eudy Award: Rob Van Dam’s arrest and de-push
    Most Underutilized: Ron “The Truth” Killings
    Most Underrated: Jamie Knoble
    Most Overrated: Randy Orton
    F.O.A.D. Award: The Voodoo Kin Mafia
    Enough Already Award: DX, period.
    Best Manager: James Mitchell
    Hogan/Orndorff Award: Edge vs. John Cena
    Promotion Of The Year: TNA
    Best Flyer: A.J. Styles
    Best Technician: Bryan Danielson
    Best Brawler: Samoa Joe
    Most Valuable Player: Edge
    Best Match: Chris Benoit vs. Fit Finlay (WWE “Judgment Day” 5/21)
    Tag Team Of The Year: London & Kendrick
    Wrestler Of The Year: Edge

  2. December 29, 2006 at 2:36 am

    Oh, and totally agreed on John Cena’s “Badd Blaster 2K6” at the Rumble. That thing was faggier than Paul Lynde to Block.

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