Home > Uncategorized > Today’s AA Meeting & Realization

Today’s AA Meeting & Realization

At today’s meeting, the topics of discussion were living in the day and gratitude. I had wanted to share, but unfortunately the guy chairing today’s meeting was one of those who didn’t call on anyone he didn’t know on a first-name basis, which is pretty fucking obnoxious. Having only seen him once before at a meeting (I usually go on Saturdays), I didn’t get called on. Which was a little perturbing, even moreso because I get the impression that he’s one of those that won’t take me seriously because I’m not 50 or 60 years old and haven’t been in and out of jail. I give him the benefit of the doubt in that I don’t think it was intentional, but that’s the impression he gave off. It’s exactly what I’m talking about when I complain about the small handful of people in AA meetings being so insular and creating their own clique while shunning anyone they don’t recognize or immediately identify with, but whatever. I wasn’t bothered that I didn’t get to speak, but rather that it was one of those instances of fellow AAmembers getting on my nerves (albeit briefly)

That being said, it was fantastic just to listen. So since I didn’t get to share in the meeting, I’ll just say here what I was going to say in that meeting. Sitting and listening to the topics, I hit a realization that I’m incredibly grateful for where I am right now.

While I was still drinking, I’d sit in at my desk in that shitty job I had before the current one and think to myself “man, I can’t wait for the weekend.” Not because I wanted the rest (because I certainly didn’t get it when I was going on two or three-day benders every weekend), but because I’d sit around thinking to myself “man, I can’t wait for Friday so I can get shit-faced.” There were many weeks where by Wednesday I’d say “fuck it” and go out anyway, which more often than not resulted in me going in either still hung over or still drunk, and smelling a little bit like alcohol despite showering thoroughly to get the stink of beer and liquor out of me.

Now, I’m grateful that when I get out of work, I’m tired because of a long day and not because I’m still hungover and didn’t get to bed until 4:00am the previous morning. I’m also grateful that when I go into work, I’m not still feeling the effects of the night before (or even two nights before). I can’t express how great it is to know that I’m not going to go into work one day this week and be working at a snail’s pace because of all the chemicals I’d put into my body.

I’m grateful that where I am right now, I feel the best that I have since I was 10 years old. I wasn’t drinking when I was that young, but before I started drinking I went through some bouts of depression that I grapped with for quite some time. I’m also glad that the things that get on my nerves are things that are completely out of my control, rather than problems created by drinking or because I’m chemically unhinged from booze and as a result being snippy and/or looking to pick a fight. I’m grateful and proud that I’m defeating alcoholism much like I defeated the depression of my pre-teen and teenaged years.

To put it in simple terms, I’m grateful that I’m sober. For me personally, the past 130+ days have been the best of my life. It’s a fantastic feeling, and I can’t say enough about how tremendous I feel coming out of that meeting. I would also like to take the time to thank everyone who has been there for me the past several months in varying degrees, even if it’s something simple like taking the time to read this sort of nonsense.

More later…

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  1. October 16, 2006 at 1:55 am

    YAY!

    My only reaction in YAY!!!!! I am glad that you have had this insight. It will be especially helpful to look back in read this in the future, when/if some struggles come up. I am glad this is working for you kev….

  2. October 16, 2006 at 5:01 am

    Fucking awesome, man. Nothing you can’t dominate. Always knew it.

  3. October 16, 2006 at 6:11 pm

    It sounds weird to be proud of a guy I’ve never met, but there it is.

    Not that you need approval from anyone but yourself. It looks like you have that.

    In summary: You go, boy-ee!

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