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Pathetic Wrestling Confessions

In the MySpace group “Fans of Wrestling” (which is mostly a pathetic hang-out for Smarky-Smark Wahlberg’s like myself), a thread was posted with a simple but great premise – admit some things about your fandom that might be perceived as markish, against the grain of common smark attitudes, or would otherwise probably get you flamed. So, here’s my response, separated into my confessions of being a very young wrestling fan and confessions of my current fandom.

WRESTLING CONFESSIONS OF MY YOUTH:
* I never really got into Hogan as a kid. I always preferred Randy Savage and was a huge mark for him, and it didn’t occur to me until years later that most of the time he was supposed to be a heel.
* I vividly remember being 9 or 10 and telling my brother on several occassions that they should make a title belt and division just for The Losers (our name for jobbers). My brother’s response was that “nobody would care,” and he was right. However, I felt a brief (and silent) sense of moral victory when WCW introduced the Light-Heavyweight Title and put it on then-jobber Brian Pillman.
* I was at the 1992 Royal Rumble and booed Ric Flair after he won the world title. I also booed British Bulldog in the early minutes when he had Flair hoisted over his head and simply dropped him to the mat, even though he was walking right towards the ropes and could’ve dumped him out. The 10-year-old mark in me never forgave Bulldog for that.
* Up until I was 10, I thought the NWA/WCW were the minor leagues and couldn’t get into it…with the exception of Barry Windham, who was one of my favorite wrestlers growing up. Don’t ask me why; I don’t know either.
* When Sgt. Craig “Pittbull” Pittman was wrestling on WCW Saturday Night, he was my favorite wrestler in the organization.
* The first time I saw ECW late one Saturday night at my father’s house in 1996, I felt like it had been a life-transforming event and found it hard to watch WCW and the (then) WWF for quite some time. Looking back on it now, I actually find most of the ECW stuff unwatchable.
* I was (and still am) a HUGE AND PATHETIC MARK for Mick Foley. These days, it’s Nigel McGuinness can do no wrong in my eyes.
* I couldn’t understand why The Bushwackers weren’t WWF Tag Team Champions.
* I was WAY WAY into the GWF when they were showing it on ESPN and was a HUGE mark for The Patriot. I was actually at one of his early WWF appearances at a live show and marked out like an idiot while everyone else was asking who the Hell that goofball in the mask waving a flag was.
* As a teenager, my hands-down favorite wrestler was Shane Douglas.

WRESTLING CONFESSIONS OF RIGHT NOW:
* I was never impressed by the use of lightbulbs in death matches, and to this day still don’t know why everyone goes nuts for those spots.
* Even though I really want TNA to be viable competition for the sake of mainstream wrestling, I have to force myself to watch TNA and CANNOT for the life of sit through an entire episode of Impact.
* I believe absolutely nothing reported on wrestling “newz” sites unless it comes from Meltzer (or to a much lesser extent Keller), and I know damn well that makes me really pathetic.
* I don’t get why so many people, in particular Dave Meltzer, keep interviewing Tom Zenk about the business. I mean, seriously, he was the fucking “Z-Man, ” what makes his opinion so special? Part of that is rooted in watching Zenk as a kid…I always hated him and thought he absolutely sucked.
* I don’t get why people would buy and watch a shoot interview DVD, and laugh at people who take what guys say in these shoot interviews as truth or gospel.
* I fucking HATE Austin Aries with a passion.
* For my money, Keiji Mutoh has never had a good match in Japan as “The Great Muta”, and hate when people say “it’s the psychology.” I never understood how stalling for ten minutes to fifteen minutes in a twenty-minute match and rolling under the ring could be considered “good ring psychology.”
* 9 times out of 10, once a spot is blown (no matter how minor) I’m unable to get back into a match.
* While I think Christopher Daniels is good at what he does, I still don’t understand why people are so hardcore into him. And yes, I’ve seen “the match with…” that people always throw at me.
* I never liked Steve Corino, and probably never will.
* I totally drank Heyman’s Kool-Aid, and now have to stop myself from defending him at every turn and remind myself that he’s never been infallible when it comes to booking.
* Guys who I think are criminally underrated (even by myself at times) – Tony DeVito, Tyson Tomko (who takes great bumps for a guy his size), Matt Morgan (even though the “cop impersonation” thing he got arrested for makes him look like a total sleaze), Tony Mamaluke (‘s ground game), and Big Show.
* Guys who I think are totally overrated – Austin Aries (obviously), Jushin Liger after the late 90s, most Japanese heavyweights (just because they’re Japanese and stiff doesn’t automatically make them great), and Christian (I really like him as a mid-carder but totally don’t think he’s main-event quality).

More later…

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  1. Anonymous
    September 25, 2006 at 4:54 pm

    Kurt Angle

    This isn’t exactly related to your topic, but are you as disappointed as I am that TNA went ahead and signed Kurt Angle? I don’t think that Vince had only good and moral reasons for releasing Angle, but at least taking him off the road and preventing him from taking bumps in the ring could have helped in his struggle to get off of pain killers.
    I realy hope we won’t have to watch a “Kurt Angle Tribute Show” on TNA in six months, as that is a legitimate possibility.

    -wetsel

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