Home > Uncategorized > Why “Snakes On A Plane” has me very worried.

Why “Snakes On A Plane” has me very worried.

And no, it’s not just that I’m a legitimate Ophidiphobe.

“Snakes On A Plane” has earned $15.25 million, good enough to top the box office in its opening weekend. Some are calling the opening weekend “modest,” noting that it made more money than it would have without the internet “hype” for the film, but as a #1 movie didn’t make any big waves financially.

I know there’s a good number of people who will be disappointed with its opening, and many of them will do their damndest – whether it’s to go see the movie again, buy it when it comes out on DVD, or donate to the SOAP RF (“Snakes On A Plane” Relief Fund) – to make certain this movie takes in as much money as possible. Because it’d be a hilarious slice of irony for a movie so unbelievably bad that it’s good to turn a huge profit, right?

Wrong.

Before anyone else contributes to this fad (which has stretched over the past few months now), I want everyone to first ask if it’s necessarily a good idea to encourage them. And by them, I mean lazy screenwriters and producers who now know that they can actually go out of their way to make a bad film the next time around, as long as those kooky kids on the internet will buy into the kitsch factor. Think about it – do you really want to see a series of films being marketed towards the internet a la SOAP that falls flat on its face and shows a complete ignorance as to what the SOAP phenomea is all about?

Don’t get me wrong – I fully understand the source of the phenomena. Samuel L. Jackson, already a cult favorite, stars in an uninspired movie about snakes on a plane that is lazily titled “Snakes On A Plane.” It’s a satire on Hollywood come to life without any of its participants initially being in on the joke, and the utter disbelief that such a bad idea could get a green light quickly gives way to amusement. It sure did for me.

Upon further reflection, however, I think this movie being a resounding success would lead to some serious trouble. It certainly won’t change the industry permanently, but over the next few months (if not the next year) I’m certain we’ll see a lot more Hollywood stinkers get the SOAP treatment in its marketing. Films that would otherwise have been deemed so bad that it would’ve been buried as soon as possible – complete with critics being denied pre-screenings – will now be marketed as the next “Snakes On a Plane,” while everyone who bought into this current phenomena lashes out and rants about Hollywood not “getting it.”

But you, dear reader, can put a stop to it. Don’t pay to see “Snakes On A Plane” in theaters. Don’t buy the DVD – and for God’s sake, don’t purchase the Director’s Cut a year from now. Make it clear to Hollywood that this was a one-time thing that won’t happen again, and that it was a joke on the internet that created buzz for this film, and not “clever marketing” that created a buzz on the internet.

I don’t take anyone to task for seeing this movie, or enjoying it, but I will say this – it’s no “Plan 9 From Outer Space,” nor does it deserve to be treated in such a manner. This is a movie that people with a lot of money thought would be a very good idea, not the quirky work of an eccentric madman obsessed with being a filmmaker despite his obvious shortcomings and total lack of support, financial or otherwise.

In other words, underground cult films from poor fools who simply don’t know any better deserve our attention and sarcastic praise. Films made by people who absolutely know better and are just too lazy to do anything about it should not be lumped into that category. Seriously, look at the movies put out by Hollywood over the past ten years. Do they really need any further incentive to make even worse movies? Can you imagine?!

I ask you all, please – help put a stop this insanity before it’s too late.

More later…

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  1. August 23, 2006 at 3:42 am

    The thing about SoaP is that originally it was supposed to be quite funny. The original director wanted to do insane shit that got Samuel L all ready to cum himself. And then the director quit when the Production Company indicated they wanted a PG-rating. I mean, according to the Bad Motherfucker, people were going to be doing Kung Fu against the snakes. How can that be bad?

    SoaP is basically like the Big Lebowski. It’s not by any means funny. It’s not by any means very good. (Honestly, sitting through both was hard.) However, I find myself quoting the Dude and Walter. It’s the kind of movie that laughing at it is the best sort of fun.

  2. August 23, 2006 at 7:12 am

    Thank you.

  3. August 27, 2006 at 1:51 pm

    My brother went to go see it and said it was a huge disappointment. We’re a family who likes our camp, too. So I don’t know that I’ll be seeing it outside Netflix.

    But godDAMNIT! Did I love Deep Blue Sea! And if it even has a little bit of Deep Blue Sea in it…

    (I’ve been told, however, that The Decent is the best movie of the summer.)

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