Home > Uncategorized > Brilliant spam, the weekend, and Netflix reviews

Brilliant spam, the weekend, and Netflix reviews

So after a night spent viewing the apartment of Jason and “The Non-Asian” J. Lee then getting a cheesburger wrap which I was for some fucking reason surprised to find was nothing but a cheeseburger put in a wrap with Ryan, Jason, and his friend Nicole; seeing good friend Nodal Nim (MySpace profile) perform LIVE at The Muddy Cup (which I’m certian must have some sort of disgusting sexual double-meaning), and drinking Diet Pepsi…I can’t sleep. Also, Ring of Honor kept me awake for a little bit when I got home (“Weekend of Champions – Night One” DVD). Fell asleep for about four hours, woke up, and here I am.

So I hop onto this damned computer to see the following message in my G-Mail inbox from “Yjessu Idiomatic.” I, among others I’m sure, was BCC’ed in the e-mail as the only recipient listed was “A.kasin.” It read as follows:


postfixcameron – It was a link to…something. Of course I didn’t click on it, morons.

when mitchellrailway and baynote in warningambulance as flapsophie but headwayspokesmen as festacyclic it eunicestylus it approvedsweet in correspondsecant
when enteredbeam a burstyquezon the backwardsfriendship not ditzelpolitico not feedingsmiled the mathrespect a wymansnider and transformbesides
may undergooutline a prokaryotecounterclockwise was continuouscolonel it’s clusterhighroad but letheprostrate some sanduskymethod as smilingsecret

the coatingreverend was disparageberenices or gymprivy was structurallyeating in folksstronger it’s exclusionbunt it compeeducation not paintingok and accidentallybigger

was endseach the cognizableo as fleabanehyades in exaggeratedjean when runninglb the englishmothers the builtcompelling what ursaspecific but touslehelium

in regulationshouston on casesscientists in inspiredprairie a laguerredefraud when blocksroman some shorterfighting it long termplays some theresfootlights when skyrosforeveradv

some northwestequipped a riflesbombers a sufferedus a europeanaeronautic and rakishbrest but jointyes may hemoglobinvestigial as fullcurse it prohibitiveordinate on funeraltiny the ownerlets a sailingrider it sourcesregulations as copraself what cornerupside in yttriumsubstituent

in encounteredcurved a adieuexemption that lampblackstalemate a commonsenseearly but londonassociated the lenderholding it’s pitchersubstance it affectionwally may iowaactinolite on dollaramerica but symptomdobson some exactlyriding may candidgo what nationalpeas and homelymiler

or readerboiling as librettisthewett as listeningitems was insubordinatemolar or taylordazzle on formerfriendly and ordinarycorporations when waltzingabstruse was grabbedwrung a motetbye the singeractive that departmentlucy was bluegilltarpaulin on papersapproved it’s drblackness

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when revealeddollar or devotedfitted what landslipstatement a virtuosilou but whittierferroelectric it’s henleyrembrandt in hurriedouter when decelerateblindfold what seaambition may bridgetspurge as organicnbs it chawingram as skyfriendship a electtheyd on anxiouslylands may mississippismoothly not copperpersuaded

or aintmagog but sampleburg it’s getanimal not antagonistmt was okpunishment not partsremind as fiveflood that transfixnapkin

when milkmanslabs some normsurge may finialbeebe what raoularyl but constitutionalcommunist not constantlyvapor that standardmyra it’s secondnminute a notreaberrant the imaginedprobability not dinnerwanted but charteredears that johnnyinstant it’s terrorinextinguishable

it’s drawingsflavour it’s snufflebuddhism was shesconnection as allocationstaining it’s retainedfrequencies it amtrakcrouch as unwieldyalfresco it’s doingframe when andesineevensong it’s slippedsometimes that isntwhere in tyburnthomistic was outstretchedpopped was illinoisdingy

was automateproposal and sheldonextolled or fountainvermiculite what collectivedc when coursesreceive that neededbluebell but joinhours in vampireaudacious may coaloccurs in tendangels may molecularpave what celiamavis on planetsfeels a jessrelatives on growrifles

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in carriedcounter what nervouslybroadway when ethicalvirginia was dietyillicit on postofficehandwriting the medleydung on translatenote the passedspeaker some secretsproperties in afforestationincidental what dockflutter a strangernegative the brainstormjitterbugger on askingtear it actualvitriol


There was an attachment, which I didn’t download (of course). The preview image showed an ad for Omega watches. I just wanted to share this, simply because I found this spam e-mail to be delightfully confounding. thebigfatman at one point was keeping tabs on the spam she was receiving and noticed that they had a propensity for quoting Stephen King novels, particularly excerpts from Misery. Therefore, after careful analysis, I’ve come to the conclusion that this spammer somehow got ahold of the first draft of “Cujo” written during one of King’s cocaine-induced blackouts and wants to share this historic document with us.

And somehow, the e-mail still reads a lot better than Carrie. ZING!

======================================

Going to a party tomorrow night. With lots of alcohol present. Luckily, Steve “Shakes” Henel will accompany me as my manager, since he is not physically allowed to drink. I’m going to embrace the challenge. I think I can do it…I’ve been to a couple pub/restaurants (four times actually including tonight) without any urge to drink, which is fantastic considering the first two weeks of my sobriety I was going fucking NUTS. Seriously. Also on tap for tomorrow – finishing laundry and changing the outgoing message on my cell in response to my brother Jack leaving a ranting voicemail asking “why do people always say ‘I can’t get to the phone right now’ when that’s obvious once you get the outgoing message?” I felt insulted, not because he was making fun of my outgoing message, but because it sounded like something Richard Jeni would say. And Christ, do I hate me some Richard Jeni. So part of it’s going to be a heel promo I’m going to cut on him. It’ll be some FUNNNNN SHIT (I need something better to do with my time).

Then Sunday I’m doing…something. With Bonna. Some thing where she doesn’t know people. I’m still not clear exactly what type of function it is, just that it’s non-alcoholic, and there will be food. And blankets. And…it has something to do with the play “Tom Sawyer” and someone getting married. NO IT’S NOT A DATE. She has her “Mr. Big” as she puts it. Unfortunately I don’t have a “Carrie Bradshaw,” and perhaps my complete hatred for the horrifically overrated “Sex in the City” is the reason for that. Just something for us to do and an opportunity to hang out. Then I have tennis on Monday with my buddy Jenn, which should be interesting considering I haven’t swung a racket in almost ten years. And even then it was my first or second time. Of course, I fully intend to argue EVERY call and throw McEnroe-level fits on the court.

Tuesday through Saturday I might be housesitting/dogsitting. My oldest sister is going away with the twins and my brother-in-law, and since they just got a new puppy last week the oldest niece is staying behind and she might need help taking care of it…it was diagnosed with kennel cough and housetraining it has been a bit rough, so either my mother or I will be there with her (that decision will be made when we discuss it tomorrow). We were considering keeping it here but I’m worried that my cat, while not seeming to be TOO freaked out by it when they visited yesterday, might take it being playful as a sign of aggression and attack (and subsequently hurt) the poor thing. It’s a beagle. A little, lovable, adorable beagle. Named Stella May. It’s freaking cute as all get-out. Sorry, I don’t have pictures. But trust me. Adorable.

======================================

NETFLIX REVIEWS
Ratings System on a scale of 1 to five stars (* to *****)
“Read Or Die” (2001) – ***** The original three-parter, not the sequel (which was twenty-something episodes or something like that). Highly recommended, and one of the best non-Miyazaki animes I’ve ever seen. I loved its concept of using historical characters in the field of science, philosophy, literature, and other areas cloned and genetically enhanced to be super-villains. Just one of many highlights is a scene where the protagonists encounter Otto von Lieberthal (the German aeronautical pioneer who inspired the Wright Brothers and died during an accident involving one of his gliders) and he angrily screams “I AM OTTO VON LIEBERTHAL” during the initial skirmish. Intentional or unintentional, it was hilarious. The fight scenes are very cool. And yes, I’m a snob and watched it subbed. Deal with it. Though I did flip through some chapters on the DVD with it dubbed, and it didn’t seem that bad at all. Which is a rarity.

“Elephant” (2003) – **** Yes, this is the film loosely based on the Columbine Massacre, and no, it doesn’t give you any clear-cut answers. It’s slow-paced and far more focused on showing the day-to-day lives of High Schoolers being torn asunder by unnecessary and unexplainable violence. That being said, it’s not for everyone. I know a lot of people who will find it boring and tedious, but I thought Gus Van Zant’s approach was brave – not in his depictions of any of the characters or anything he tries to say, but in that he made a film about the tragedy of a school shooting that was powerful without being overdramatic or using over-the-top theatrics – which is harder to do than it sounds. And no, despite the rantings of fourteen-year-olds you’ll read on IMDB.com or other idiot-infested websites, it does NOT portray the shooters as heroes or even remotely sympathetic characters.

Ultimate Avengers: The Movie (2006) **** – 2D cell animation, how I’ve missed thee. Based on the Marvel Comics mini-series “The Ultimates,” except in this adaptation Captain American DOESN’T FREAKING LEGSWEEP THE HULK. That alone makes it worth the rent, and current WWE Cruiserweight Champion Gregory Helms will be pleased. Us comic geeks will love it, though I’ll ashamedly admit that I was disappointed with the lack of super-villains (particularly The Red Skull). That’s just the geek in me, though. Well done, worthwhile, and if this were live-action it’d probably be considered by many to be the best super-hero film ever made. The sequel’s coming out in early August (about two weeks or so).

Barry Lyndon (1975) – ***** It’s no secret to anyone that I’m a Kubrick mark, so the rating’s going to be a little skewed. It’s rare for a work of historical fiction set in 18th Century England to go a full three hours and remain consistently engaging. I’ve read some descriptions (particularly the one on Netflix) that call it slow-moving, but when I personally become engrossed enough in a fascinating story, pacing doesn’t even become a factor. So to me, it didn’t move that slowly at all. This film is gorgeous. Check it out. If you have the patience, that is.

Jarhead (2005) – **** This would’ve been a great film if “Full Metal Jacket” was never made, as comparisons are automatically going to be made, regardless of whether you want to make them or not…particularly during the scenes set in Basic Training. The upside, though, is that this film does a much better job with fleshing out the characters and making you actually care about what happens to them and what the Hell they’re doing than in “Full Metal Jacket.” There was a negative review from the Times which read “Jarhead is a movie that walks up to some of the most urgent and painful issues of our present circumstance, clears its throat loudly and says nothing.” Because, you know, you can’t have a film about a war that occurred fifteen years ago and have it be about the people involved on the ground, it’s gotta be about the situation…and not the situation then, the situation NOW! Unbelievable. There are critics that watch movies and write reviews based on the movies, and critics that write reviews based on their expectations of what THEY want the movie to be. Then there’s critics like Joel Siegel, who spend three-quarters of a film screening playing with their moustaches and trying to think of a clever pun.

King Kong (2005) – *** I honestly went into this with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised. Jackson did a better job than I had anticipated, and though a little bloated (at one point I wanted to scream GET THE MOVIE OFF THE FUCKING ISLAND ALREADY) it’s effective in that traditional big-budget Hollywood manner without insulting your intelligence TOO much. The one major criticism I have is that Ann Darrow’s sympathy and appreciation for Kong is a little overdone and at times ludicrous. We get it – she sees a beast that can be tamed by only her and that develops a certain attachment, especially since her character is portrayed as being so lonely and withdrawn in both her professional and personal life. However, Jackson spends way too much time on this aspect of the plot, and I personally had trouble getting past the fact that THIS THING IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE GODDAMN BEAST WHO KILLS AND EATS PEOPLE IF THEY AREN’T HER (the selfish bitch). But whatever, it’s a remake of “King Kong,” so that’s to be expected. I just wish there’d been a scene where the giant ape turned to Naomi Watts and said “hey Skeletor, will you eat a sandwich or something for fuck’s sake?” It’s a good thing I don’t make movies, because if I did, giant apes would talk and swear at actresses with obvious eating disorders.

Shit, maybe I SHOULD make movies.

More later…

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