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Iranian president writes letter to Bush

U.S. skeptical as Ahmadinejad proposes ‘new solutions’ to world problems (MSNBC.com)

From the article:


Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has written to President Bush proposing “new solutions” to their differences in the first letter from an Iranian leader to an American president in 27 years, government spokesman Gholam-Hossein Elham said Monday.

The first reaction from Washington was not positive. National Intelligence Director John Negroponte said the letter might be timed to influence a U.N. Security Council debate on Iran.

The letter will be sent via the Swiss Embassy in Tehran which has a U.S. interests section, Elham told a press conference. Initially it seemed the letter had already been sent, but later Elham told reporters it would be delivered Monday.


And yours truly intercepted said letter. So now, a first ever news coup on LJ…the letter written by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, addressed to President Bush.

Dear President George,

HOW ARE YOU??? Tehran, Iran
Attention: The President/CEO

Dear Sir,

Confidential Business Proposal

Having consulted with my colleagues and based on the information gathered from the Iranian Chambers Of Commerce, Industry, and Energy, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer the sum of 47,500,000 lbs. (forty seven million, five hundred thousand pounds) of uranium into your nuclear facilities. The above amount resulted from an over-invoiced contract, executed, commissioned and paid for about five years (5) ago by a foreign contractor. This action was however intentional and since then the uranium has been in put in stasis somewhere in the Sahara desert.

We are now ready to transfer the uranium overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as a civil servant, I am forbidden to operate a foreign account; that is why I require your assistance. The total amount will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international interests incidental to the transfer.

The transfer is risk free on both sides. I am the President of Iran. If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:

(a) your banker’s name, telephone, account and fax numbers.
(b) your private telephone and fax numbers — for confidentiality and easy communication.
(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed.

Alternatively I will furnish you with the text of what to type into your letter-headed paper, along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively what I require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.

Please reply urgently.

Best regards
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

At this point things got interesting when I intercepted President George W. Bush’s reply:

Dear Maumau,

How are u? i am fine. can i use Paypal to pay for this, pal???? my wife sez i’m not allowed to giev owt our number anymore but i can send you a link to my myspace.com profile page. make sure ur speakers are not on if u are at ur desk, b/c i have some pretty loud glass tiger on my profile.

plz let me know asap

-GWB

I could hardly believe my eyes. Then I saw this, and it completely threw me for a loop.

Dear Mr. President of the United States,

My angel, my all, my very self — only a few words today and at that with your pencil — not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon — what a useless waste of time. Why this deep sorrow where necessity speaks — can our uranium endure except through sacrifices — except through not demanding everything — can you change it that your uranium is not wholly mine, mine not wholly thine?

Oh, Allah! look out into the beauties of nature and comfort yourself with that which must be — nuclear power demands everything and that very justly — that it is with me so far as you are concerned, and you with me. If we were wholly united in our resources you would feel the pain of it as little as I!

Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other; moreover, I cannot communicate to you the observations I have made during the last few days touching my own nuclear program — if our yellow cake was always close together I would make none of the kind. My uranium is full of many things to say to you – Ah! — there are moments when I feel that speech is nothing after all — cheer up — remain my true, only treasure, my all as I am yours; the gods must send us the rest of the uranium that which shall be best for us.

Your faithful,
Mahmoud

Guys, it gets weirder.

Maumau,
WHA???????? did u get my leter about paypal its the only way i can pay u unfortunately. is there any way u can accept paypal?????

-GWB

No further correspondence has occurred. We are at a very dire time in our nation’s…nay, our world’s history, and I pray to whatever God may or may not be looking over us that they can work out this whole PayPal situation.

More later…

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  1. May 8, 2006 at 5:46 pm

    Well played sir. Very well played indeed.

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